Rakes and Knives

I read a story by a young man called Mister Charles-Idu. His story is called “hoe and machete.” Although this is my story, it was his story that inspired it.

Will it be fair to say the British people that colonised Nigeria left us with rakes and knives? Will it be fair to say that the British strategically planned our current state? I’m sure it’s not fair to say that. They didn’t take our brains did they? At least not physically.

Still, I can’t help but think they might as well have. They gave us rakes to ensure we keep farming for just ourselves and our families and then they gave us knives to settle every dispute we have with each other. A country so so so blessed, yet more than half of the population depend on their farms.

Hear me out. Is it possible to put 3 different countries together forcefully and not expect disputes? Is it possible to randomly give one of them the largest land mass in the country and expect the other two to remain silent? This automatically creates a tussle for power. This automatically creates tribalism. This automatically creates chaos.

You don’t believe me? I have one word for you. Biafra. These problems caused the Biafran war. Yes, the foulest war Nigeria has ever witnessed. The saddest war Africa has ever seen. The war that changed the history of Nigeria for ever. The war that Britain watched.  

Why must we end every clash with knives? I don’t see the United States of America or England ending their country’s battles with knives. I’m saddened when I think about how they left us. I almost feel they gave us false hope. How can you hand a baby a rake and a knife? Somebody once told me that if the British government knew the amount of oil Nigeria has, they would never have left.

As far as I am concerned, all our country’s problems stem from the very beginning. Boko Haram that plagues Nigeria today is a product of the tussle for power, tribalism and chaos that I mentioned earlier. All our problems are. 

Enough of the blame game. Let’s face the reality that is our country today. We don’t need the government to sugar coat the problems or try to “fix” problems that are not the real problems. What we need is a government that will realise the root of the problems and then truthfully rebuild the country. As far as I am concerned, Nigeria needs to discard the rakes and knives and then, rebuild itself.

Have a wonderful day!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Love or hate

“She loves him because he is her son but she hates him”

Can you truly love someone and hate that person at the same time? I think so. I mean, they are both strong emotions. They are both emotions that overwhelm us. They go hand in hand. Don’t they?

I started this post yesterday evening and I was convinced they go hand in hand. I was convinced it’s possible to love and hate someone at the same time. I was convinced love and hate is strangely, one emotion. I thought about it overnight trying to further convince myself that I’m right, then something happened. A post I wrote in February (Fear), came running into my mind.

It is not possible. You can’t. Love is so much more powerful than hate that it sends out hate. Hate is too jealous to share with love. Fear, hate’s father (read the Fear post to understand) only abides where there is no love.

You can dislike the person you love sometimes but certainly not hate. It can even come close to hate but it is NOT hate. It can’t be. If it really is, then maybe you don’t love that person. Think about it this way, love is God, hate is the devil. You can’t put God and the devil in the same room and say you love them equally. That’s what we do when we love someone but hate that person. It may seem okay at first but eventually one drives the other out.

Have a wonderful day!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Peace.

My 14 years old sister wrote this piece. I hope it touches your heart as much as it touched mine. Enjoy.

What is peace? We hear people crying for peace. We see people searching for peace. We meet people waiting for peace and yet still no peace. We have lived in this state, without peace for so long in this Nation known as the giant of Africa. A number of us are now confused and have mistaken this mess for peace. 

We have convinced ourselves to such an extent to believe we live in peace. Truth be told, only a few are  privileged to take part of this imitation of peace due to our financial status' which has made it possible to buy security for our families. However, the vast majority are left to suffer as a result of being unable to afford the price of this artificial peace. And yet you say we live in peace, what kind of peace is this that you have to surround your homes with high walls and huge gates?

What kind of peace is this that people have gone to the extent of going to a native doctor for charms and jewelry for protection? What kind of peace is this that large numbers of innocent people are being murdered and no action is being taken? What kind of peace is this that a country with so many natural resources cannot provide her citizens with 24 hrs electricity? What kind of peace is this with so much tribalism? Yet you say we live in peace, is that really peace? The corruption of the leaders has swallowed our peace, and now they need vomit it back up. Otherwise we are all living in this great pretense.

I began with what is peace, and that is not peace. This is peace " a state of mutual harmony between people or groups" and unfortunately this is not the case in Nigeria. Peace is harmony, love and unity.

Tioluwaniogo Branco-Rhodes

Perspective

The view from my office is beautiful. I can see the whole of Victoria Island from the balcony. I can see the Atlantic Ocean from my seat. It seems endless, it seems so near yet so far. I wonder if that’s the paradox of life. Just when you get there, you find out you haven’t even started. That’s a story for another day.  For now, whether you think you are there or only just at the beginning depends on only one thing. Perspective.

I wonder where the water is going. You may wonder where it’s coming from. My friend’s brother was at war with his parents over something he wanted to do. They didn't want him to do it because, it wasn't done in their culture. He wanted to do it because, we are in modern times and things like that don’t matter. Unfortunately for them all, I was called to judge the matter. How do you judge a matter that is so even? I understood his parent’s perspective but I also understood his.

Sometimes, we just need to take a few minutes and think about not what started the misunderstanding but the different points trying to be passed across. Sometimes, we just need to stop and realise that absolutely everything can go two ways. The water is coming from somewhere but its going somewhere too. Hence, you are right but so I’m I.

We need to be aware of each other. I think we spend so much time fighting the wrong battles. We shouldn't be fighting each other’s perspective but rather fighting to understand each other’s perspective.

Have a wonderful day!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Ourselves

“We don’t know enough about ourselves & continue to be enslaved by a narrative about ourselves told by other people” - Thabo Mbeki

I read this quote to my immediate younger sister and her reply was “yes nau. If you want to hide anything from a black person, put it in a book.” Her English teacher told her that.

Mbeki is right. We don’t know enough about ourselves. The video above, made me cry the first time I watched it. Why do we refuse to educate ourselves about ourselves? Why do we continue to believe and re-tell the single story told to us by other people about ourselves?

 I think we need to read more. I think we need to ask more and I think we need to learn more. Other people’s narratives of us can only continue to enslave us. We need freedom. Our children need to know the truth about themselves.

I thank the Lord for the Nigerian and African writers and only God knows how much I love them but we need to teach the children to love them too. I have a dream that one day, children will swap and scramble for African books, the way I scrambled for and swapped Enid Blyton books. As a child, reading Enid Blyton was “IT.” My friends and I fought for the ‘person who has read the most Enid Blyton books’ title. Only if Enid Blyton was Nigerian or African. And dropped little nuggets of our history in those stories that sparked my imagination so much.

Only if we had a Nigerian writer whose head was filled with knowledge and heart filled with passion for telling that knowledge to our little children in ways that spark their imagination but fills them with pride when the book ends. Only if.

Maybe then, Mbeki will be wrong.

Have a wonderful day!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Hair

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie once said hair is a political thing. She couldn't have been more right. It amazes me how little, Africans know about their natural hair. 

The first thing people say when they see my hair is, "how do you manage it?" Or "how do you comb it?" Isn't it sad that they don't know how to manage or comb their natural hair but know how to style, protect and manage relaxed hair? Isn't it sad that they immediately assume I'm 'very Afrocentric' because I keep my hair the way it was made by God?

I met a Zambian girl (Lulu) that was visiting Nigeria for the first time and the first thing she said to me was, "I love your hair!" Then she went on to tell me about how she has natural hair underneath her braids too and showed me pictures on her phone. That made my evening. There I was, sharing an instant connection with another African girl who had been in Lagos for less than 24 hours. Infact  it made my week. I'm happy there's a 'natural hair trend' now but what will make me happier is if it turns from a trend to a lifestyle. What will happen if relaxers become a thing of the past? What will happen if every single girl that has gone natural stays natural till she dies? Won't that be beautiful?

If you still think natural hair is bad or difficult to maintain, its not your fault. I once thought that too. Its the fault of your mother and her mother. Please don't put chemicals on your daughter's hair. Teach her to comb it only when it is fully moisturised. Teach her to go to sleep wearing a silk scarf. Teach her to love her hair. The day I cut my hair, I hated it. I tried to cover it up or not go anywhere. Then one unceremonious morning, while staring in the mirror, I fell in love. I feel in love with its texture, its curls, the way it looked. I have never loved my hair the way I love it now. Its amazing. This is freedom.

Lulu told me this, "until you love your natural hair, I don't think you can ever fully love yourself" and she is very right. If you don't see yourself ever going natural, that's fine. But, please give your daughters a chance. Don't reinforce the opinions of your mother and grandmother in their little minds. Teach them to love every inch of themselves including the hair they are born with. After all, they are beautiful.

Have a wonderful day!

 

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

National conference

Nigeria’s foundation is faulty. Our country was built on corruption, forcefulness, tribalism and treachery. We need to understand that our country is the way it is, because the British people who colonised us so many years ago, set it up to be this way. Until we reset the country, I don’t think we can ever be fully free.

I recently read the history of Nigeria for the first time and I was shaken, then dumbfounded and then sad. I don’t think Nigerians understand. Most countries are born out of friendly alliances, our country was born out of greed and exploitation.

I don’t want to say Nigeria is a failed state but what do you call a country that chases away its people? What do you call a country that treats its own people like garbage? What do you call a country that doesn't value lives?

I want a genuine sovereign national conference. It gives us a chance to amend our foundation. To fill the cracks in the wall of the house that we call Nigeria. It gives us a chance to treat the wounds of our injured mother that is Nigeria. If it’s not going to be genuine, the government can forget about it. The only thing worse than ignoring a wounded man is giving him a false sense of hope that you will treat him.

If the conference will be anything like the fuel subsidy protests of 2012, which was filled with so much potential yet achieved very little, then the government can save their time. The people forced into this country deserve a genuine conference. The thousands of ethnic minorities in Nigeria deserve a genuine conference.

My grandmother once told me Nigeria is not a homogeneous country and I’m only just realising how true she was. That statement is why we need this conference. Every citizen of Nigeria should have a represented voice in the affairs of the country. The impunity in this country we call our own must end.

I end with the words of my grandfather, Dr Tunji Braithwaite " A successful conference will birth a truly independent Nigeria"

Have a wonderful day!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

PRAON (Potential Returnees’ Association Of Nigeria)

You want to return home. You don’t know how. You wish you could return home. You wish you knew how to. I hate the word returnees, so I’m going to call them, People Who've Come Back (PWCB). The word “returnees” is too close to deportees or refugees for me. PWCB’s chose to come back.

You are starting to think of coming home too. If you were waiting for that sign from God, well, here it is. Go. Come back. Nigeria needs you. You need Nigeria. Your children need Nigeria. I normally like avoiding topics that seem to be “trending” such as this but not today. Are there challenges in Nigeria? Definitely. Will it be easy for you? No.Will it be worth it? Absolutely.

Last night, I met a Person Who’s Come Back (PWCB) and he was telling about all the challenges in Nigeria like no light, traffic, slow internet and how everything takes twice as long. Nonetheless, he ended with “But, there’s nothing as empowering as knowing that I actually have a chance to change something or genuinely help someone.” That statement inspired this post.

This post is specifically for members of PRAON. If you are thinking of coming home, you are a member. If you've ever seriously thought about coming back, you are a member. If you wish you could seriously think about coming home, you are a member. We are waiting for you. Nigeria is patiently waiting for you.

Have a wonderful day beautiful people!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Million dollar homes in slums.

Lagos has many slums. Worst part, properties in certain slums cost millions of dollars. Don’t get me wrong I still love Lagos and I still think it’s an amazing city but the truth has to be told. As I stared out my window on my way back from work, I couldn't help but wonder, why?

Why do we want to pay millions of naira and dollars for a house in a smelly neighbourhood? Why do we want to live on streets so bad you almost have to buy new cars every year? Why are we wearing ourselves out trying to live half baked ‘luxurious’ lives?

I’m tired of entering beautiful houses on terrible roads. I’m tired of holding my breath in some of the most expensive neighbourhoods in Lagos. Worst still, I’m tired of people pretending they live in Hollywood when in reality, they live in glorified slums.

Lagos can be truly beautiful. Not the beauty that most people claim they see but the beauty that is seen by all and denied by none. When will it be? Is it when my grandchildren and your grandchildren are 80 years old? I hope not. I certainly pray not.

Have a wonderful day beautiful people.

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

53 years and still nothing. (October 1st 2013)

                           Forgive me, I lied. 53 years and still nothing? Well, there are somethings. I said there's nothing because in a certain country in the Western region of Africa called Nigeria, promises mean nothing. How is it possible that the 'promises' the government of my grandparents generation made are still the same 'promises' the government in power today are making? 19 years, I've been on earth and all the problems that the country had at my birth are the same problems a child born in Nigeria today will meet on arrival into the world. Maybe, I didn't lie. Or maybe I'm not exaggerating. Maybe 53 years and still nothing, is the perfect title.

        The governments lied to us, cheated us and even made us believe that the state of the country is normal. They sowed seeds of hatred among us, after all, to conquer us, they had to divide us. Elections are rigged, laws are meaningless and election promises are empty words. Yet, the people are silent. Thousands of children die everyday, physically, mentally and emotionally. Yet, the government pretends not to see. For 53 years, Nigerians have sung the same song, prayed the same prayers and cried the same tears over and over again. Actually, No. I'm sure the first year after we gained independence from the British colonial rule must have been different. Yes, it was. The hope that we struggle to keep alive on a daily basis now, was strongest then. Growing weaker as the years went on. The people who have fought and died for the country all seem to have done so in vain. How can the people be so tired of it all, and yet still so strong?  

                                           Whilst a typical day in Nigeria involves, fumes, darkness (due to random and several power cuts during the day) and extreme heat, Nigerians stay hopeful, positive and happy. The strong will and determination of any Nigerian is unmatched. The sheer warmth of any Nigerian is unmatched. When our government gives us ten thousand reasons to sing only dirges, we find one reason to sing the happiest song ever sung and we dance to it with all the energy in our tired bodies. Little wonder then why a poll by the United Nations (UN) found Nigerians to be the happiest people in the world. Despite the intense poverty, corruption and violence that besets us, we are a beautiful people. Truly beautiful. The warm smile of a little girl on the streets with absolutely no clothes on her body confirms that statement. "Suffering and smiling" a song by Fela, is the true anthem of the people. We are always smiling, dancing and dreaming. That's the true Nigerian spirit.

                                       Death remains every Nigerian's deepest fear. When I was younger, I always thought that surely, Nigerians shouldn't be afraid of death because it offers an escape from their very harsh realities. I couldn't have been more wrong. Every Nigerian's motto is "as long as there is life, there is hope for a better tomorrow" and Lord do they believe that. We don't give up, we don't despair and we don't give in. Maybe that's why our governments have refused us our rights to education. An educated Nigeria will definitely be the end of their wicked and corrupt regime. 

                                  In conclusion, 53 years is a long time for a country not to have made any significant progress, however, it is not the end of the journey. As a matter of fact, we've only begun. I'm certain that with my generation, the future of Nigeria shall be greater than its past. My generation is the future. I love my country so much, I believe in it with every inch of me. My children will tell their children about a different Nigeria. Things will change. Things must change. I know it starts me, and I accept that responsibility. Finally, there's one thing I hope doesn't change. And that's the true Nigerian spirit.

With all my love
Dárà Rhodes x