2015

Not doing any of 2014 New Year's resolutions?-Guilty! As we were about to crossover into 2015, I took some time to reflect over the previous year. At the beginning of 2014, I had resolutions to finish reading my bible, to become more confident and some other strong resolves I can't remember. Realising that I hadn't even done one of these resolves made me sad but then I realised what I had managed to do over the year was, if not equal, greater than all my resolves. 

                                             Photo: www.postconsumers.com

Life as we all know it is about growth but as human beings we like to be able to predict, plan and track our growth and that's why we make new year's resolutions that we only do for a week or as in my case one day. Growth cannot be quantified or predicted at least not until we can predict exactly what will happen the next day. Looking at the deal I got on growth last year, I'm pretty content and I'd easily swap my 2014 new year's resolves for all my mistakes, my tears, my non-super model body, my experiences, my betrayals and my pains. Why?- Because without all those things I would not have learnt to accept and love myself the way I do now and what resolution trumps Self acceptance?

So throw out most (if not all) of your new year resolutions this year and live life one day at a time embracing all the growth that is bound to happen.

Lots of love,

Feyikemi Rhodes

Ignoring poverty costs too much

Earlier this year, Nigera was listed as Africa's fastest growing economy however the paradox is that as the economy booms, millions of Nigerians continue to wallow in poverty. Figures show that between 1980 and 2014,the percentage of Nigerians living below the poverty line, has risen from 30% to 67.98%. As if this staggering increase is not sufficient reason for every Nigerian to weep, It is estimated that by 2015 Poverty will further rise and Nigeria will have more people living below the poverty line than have both China and India.

        

        Photo: benchmarks.cancer.gov

The issue of the rising poverty is one that has been ignored for too long and as a result we as a country are now at the mercy of the consequences of our negligence. 

I first heard about the Almajaris on my father's return from a trip to Zamfara, a state in the northern hemisphere of Nigeria. He narrated how these children, some below the age of 6, called the Almajaris would chase any car in sight with broken plates, begging for any lose change. I was quite young and at the time all I felt was a sense of gratitude, to be more privileged than they were.

Plagued by curiousity, I recently researched the Almajaris. Much to my horror, I found that these children are now actively being recruited by the Islamist terror group, Boko Haram. It is unfortunate that these unsuspecting children, primarily as a result of their poverty, are now susceptible to ill-use. To accept that some of the Almajaris are now a part of Boko Haram is for Nigeria to accept that through our inattention to the poor, we have helped to facilitate the national mercenaries known as Boko Haram.

Nigerians in diaspora pay the biggest price for the tarnished international reputation of Nigeria, especially the ones struggling to live noble lives abroad. Coming in as the number one most fraudulent country in Africa, we Nigerians have quite an unfavourable reputation which precedes us. Although fraud or any other duplicitous means of survival must not be justified or appraised, we must be able to trace it to an underlying factor or factors rather. The correlation between crime rates and the percentage of people living below the poverty line is often seen. As the percentage of people living below the poverty line increases so does the crime rate within that country. We can then assume that crimes such as fraud are partly caused by the grave poverty that envelopes Nigeria. 

When looking at ways in which we as a nation can progress in the right direction, we must also recognise the steps that have already been taken to induce a positive change. The Jonathan administration must therefore be commended for establishing boarding schools in Northern Nigeria for the Almajaris; these schools will not only provide shelter and nutrition for these street urchins but a sense of belonging which the children before now have never been privileged to have. Minister Akinwunmi of the Agricultural sector has also launched a plan to add 20 metric tons of food to our home supply, a scheme that will also provide 3.5 million jobs. Considering the efforts of the government, I believe we have at least found the right paths to alleviate poverty. Relenting now on our efforts as a nation however would be foolishness.

 Looking at the statistics listing 64 million Nigerians as currently unemployed, even the blind will assert that there is still much more work to be done.

The consequences of high levels of poverty within any country are usually grave and Nigeria is no exception to the rule. Learning from past blunders and taking the right steps to ensure that we prevent the reoccurrence of such can only mean a brighter future for us all. 

Lots of love,

Feyikemi Rhodes

"We are not alright" either

Hello beautiful people, 

Feyikemi (my sister) is currently doing research for a brilliant post on poverty. That is great but I want to take a minute to look at the other end of the spectrum. In comparison to Feyikemi's piece, this is probably trivia but it tugs on the heart of some, nonetheless. Today, I want to talk about privilege.

Confusion, guilt, crippling isolation and unsettling levels of shame are a few companions of many children born into wealth. Though they'd rather die than expose this secret. I was talking to one of my good friends the other day and she poured her heart out to me and said things that she didn't know often kept me awake at night. Our discussion compelled me to write this post, on a subject I didn't quite know how to approach without getting too personal before now. Trust me, we get it. People like to see the suffering and humiliation of the rich. We know, there's nothing new about that. It happens everywhere in the world, alright. Okay, we understand.

However, what we do not know or can't understand, is why people can't see past the facades. Rich people's tears are just as salty. Before you start thinking I'm writing baloney, hold up. If you absolutely cannot feel any sympathy for the rich amongst us, can you at least try to have some sympathy for their children? Yes, there are some things they will never have to worry or even think about in their lives that plague the poor daily, but there is also a great deal they will have to face that the poor cannot fathom.

Photo: winefolly.com

I was shocked that my friend was talking about such a taboo subject that all of us are too scared to talk about but she said something that intrigued me. "Dara, the truth is, maybe our long dead family members that created our name and gathered wealth couldn't complain because it was what they wanted, but I can. We can. We didn't choose to be born into our families and people often forget that. People think, they are from that family, they go to school abroad, their family did this or that, their children are alright. The bitter truth is, we are not alright." Her words stung me and I have replayed them over and over again in my head a thousand times since our lunch date. The amazing part is, this my friend is the most put together person I know. If I were to name drop, half of you wouldn't believe it.

It's very complicated. I can't go into all the details but I have a message. I know more messed up people than not messed up people. And they are all good stock, come from good families, got the best educations, blah blah blah etc. Who our families are, shouldn't determine how we are perceived but unfortunately it does. Keeping up, trying to figure out who we are, trying to deal with the guilt and deep loneliness, is doing more bad than good to innocent children. And the society isn't helping. My friend and I know it happens all over the world, because we both met numerous children from Hong Kong and Russia suffering the same fate at our different boarding schools. I'm not trying to evoke the spirit of the poor little rich girl, I just really want to speak for a small sect of people too scared to speak about a subject we are not allowed to talk about. We, they, have problems. Deep problems that maybe the average man would never understand. Untop of that, we, they, have images to protect. Images other people created for them. They are not allowed to fail, they are not allowed to hurt, they are not allowed to go through bad or difficult times and they are not allowed to cry. 

Well, my friend cried to me and it broke my heart and when I opened up and cried to her, it broke her heart. I can't write half of the things we suffer or enjoy because of who are families are in Lagos but I can tell you that it is not always pretty. The first day one girl told me that she wished she was born into my family, I stared at her for a few moments and wondered how she could see a completely different picture from what I saw. Now, when somebody says that or tells me they wish they were me, I shake my head and smile. I thought I was dressing in a way that misled people to think everything was all sunshine, so I flipped and became carefree. Most times,  even though I'm the most under dressed person in the room, the moment I say my name, it doesn't matter. Everything the people I'm talking to, think they know about my family (good and bad) takes over their minds. 

I know 27 year old men, crippled with the intense pressure to surpass their parents and grandparents, who have crumbled under the burden. They have succumbed to alcohol and drugs to deal with public expectations or to hide from their image. I know girls my age, who are desperately trying not to rock the boats by wearing all the right clothes and behaving in all the right ways, while depression eats deep away at their souls. Despite what you may think you know, my friend was right. Somehow, in the great mystery of life, the people and children that everyone else think have it best or should have it best, don't. In many ways (when you consider the added pressure of maintaining an image that wasn't even created by them) they have it worse. The offspring of the wealthy that many think are alright, are not. For reasons not known to many of us, the privilege we are born into, more often than not, ends up being a curse. Always, remember that before you gloat or wish you were someone else's child. My parting words? In real life, nobody is really better off than anybody. We are all on the same sea. In different boats maybe but the storms, tides and long nights happen to us all and they are no respecter of boats. Well, what do we know? It turns out life is very fair. 

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes