We are not ready

I really believe we are not ready. As a country, we are not ready. We want a better county but we are not willing to fight to get a better country.

Is it possible for a tree to grow without something going into the ground? Is it possible to eat an apple without someone planting apple seeds? We have to give something to get something. We have to put something in the ground to reap something.

I want a better Nigeria but between you and me, I don’t think I am ready yet. I honestly don’t think I’m ready to die for Nigeria yet. I thought I was, but after seeing that life has very little or no value in this country of mine, I rethought my stance.

What will I gain if I die like chicken for a country that won’t even notice that I died for them? A country that will probably call me a fool for going to “chook my nose into what does not concern me” Maybe that’s the problem. We are thinking too much about what we will gain or lose and not enough about what the country might gain. We need to start thinking about what the children of Nigeria will gain. After all, they are the future.

If I went to one of the many ghettos in Lagos and spoke some very exciting words about how we are going to get a better Nigeria, everyone will be instantly very ready. However, the moment I ask the first ten people willing to burn themselves for Nigeria to step out, the story will change.

Until at least ten people are ready to genuinely give up everything they have for this country, I don’t think we’re ready.

Does that mean we have to die for the country to really get better? Probably not. I mean I pray not, but we need to get to that point where we honourably will, if it ever gets to that.

My little sister once told me that one of the problems Nigeria has is that, nobody is willing to die. I remember laughing it off and dismissing her statement as a silly one. Conversely, now I can’t help but think she may be right.

What caused the revolution in Libya? I’m not saying someone needs to go and set themselves on fire outside Aso Rock before our government hears our cries. God forbid it gets to that point where that is the only thing that will save us. Nevertheless, we need to get to a point where if we need someone to do that, volunteers including you can run forward.

Not because they are suicidal or terrorists but because they understand that this country is in dire need of a revolution and not a forced revolution but a revolution sparked from pure undiluted anger. 

Have a wonderful day!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Alone

I believe there are two types of loneliness. There’s the loneliness when you are in the midst of people and then there’s the loneliness that comes from literally not having anybody with you or around you. While some people will claim to only suffer from one or to have only suffered from one type, I have suffered both. Secretly, I think we all have.

Let’s start with the first type. I think its worse but maybe that’s just me. Maybe because I’m such an observer, being lonely in a large crowd is amplified. The fact that I am alone when there are so many people around is amplified. Everything everyone around me does is amplified. The fact that I’m such an odd ball is amplified.

The second type is bad. Very bad. Especially if you’ve experienced it on the levels I have. Don’t get me wrong, I love being alone. Like literally. That’s when I meditate, that’s when I can think, and that’s when I can be my odd self completely. Nonetheless, this type of loneliness can get to a level where I wouldn’t even wish it on my worst enemy.

I come from a family where there are always people around. Like always always. If the people aren’t family members, they are my family’s staff. Still yet, I feel like the 52 Hertz whale.

 I feel like no one quite understands the language I’m speaking yet. Worst part? I feel like there are millions of people who feel this same way. No. I know that there are millions of people who feel this same way.

I wish I had something magnificent to say or something that will make us all feel better on our loneliest of days but I don’t. I honestly don’t. All I have is a prayer and that prayer is that somehow, someday, we all find someone that truly understands our language. Somebody that hears us and we hear.

Have a wonderful day

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Rakes and Knives

I read a story by a young man called Mister Charles-Idu. His story is called “hoe and machete.” Although this is my story, it was his story that inspired it.

Will it be fair to say the British people that colonised Nigeria left us with rakes and knives? Will it be fair to say that the British strategically planned our current state? I’m sure it’s not fair to say that. They didn’t take our brains did they? At least not physically.

Still, I can’t help but think they might as well have. They gave us rakes to ensure we keep farming for just ourselves and our families and then they gave us knives to settle every dispute we have with each other. A country so so so blessed, yet more than half of the population depend on their farms.

Hear me out. Is it possible to put 3 different countries together forcefully and not expect disputes? Is it possible to randomly give one of them the largest land mass in the country and expect the other two to remain silent? This automatically creates a tussle for power. This automatically creates tribalism. This automatically creates chaos.

You don’t believe me? I have one word for you. Biafra. These problems caused the Biafran war. Yes, the foulest war Nigeria has ever witnessed. The saddest war Africa has ever seen. The war that changed the history of Nigeria for ever. The war that Britain watched.  

Why must we end every clash with knives? I don’t see the United States of America or England ending their country’s battles with knives. I’m saddened when I think about how they left us. I almost feel they gave us false hope. How can you hand a baby a rake and a knife? Somebody once told me that if the British government knew the amount of oil Nigeria has, they would never have left.

As far as I am concerned, all our country’s problems stem from the very beginning. Boko Haram that plagues Nigeria today is a product of the tussle for power, tribalism and chaos that I mentioned earlier. All our problems are. 

Enough of the blame game. Let’s face the reality that is our country today. We don’t need the government to sugar coat the problems or try to “fix” problems that are not the real problems. What we need is a government that will realise the root of the problems and then truthfully rebuild the country. As far as I am concerned, Nigeria needs to discard the rakes and knives and then, rebuild itself.

Have a wonderful day!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Love or hate

“She loves him because he is her son but she hates him”

Can you truly love someone and hate that person at the same time? I think so. I mean, they are both strong emotions. They are both emotions that overwhelm us. They go hand in hand. Don’t they?

I started this post yesterday evening and I was convinced they go hand in hand. I was convinced it’s possible to love and hate someone at the same time. I was convinced love and hate is strangely, one emotion. I thought about it overnight trying to further convince myself that I’m right, then something happened. A post I wrote in February (Fear), came running into my mind.

It is not possible. You can’t. Love is so much more powerful than hate that it sends out hate. Hate is too jealous to share with love. Fear, hate’s father (read the Fear post to understand) only abides where there is no love.

You can dislike the person you love sometimes but certainly not hate. It can even come close to hate but it is NOT hate. It can’t be. If it really is, then maybe you don’t love that person. Think about it this way, love is God, hate is the devil. You can’t put God and the devil in the same room and say you love them equally. That’s what we do when we love someone but hate that person. It may seem okay at first but eventually one drives the other out.

Have a wonderful day!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Peace.

My 14 years old sister wrote this piece. I hope it touches your heart as much as it touched mine. Enjoy.

What is peace? We hear people crying for peace. We see people searching for peace. We meet people waiting for peace and yet still no peace. We have lived in this state, without peace for so long in this Nation known as the giant of Africa. A number of us are now confused and have mistaken this mess for peace. 

We have convinced ourselves to such an extent to believe we live in peace. Truth be told, only a few are  privileged to take part of this imitation of peace due to our financial status' which has made it possible to buy security for our families. However, the vast majority are left to suffer as a result of being unable to afford the price of this artificial peace. And yet you say we live in peace, what kind of peace is this that you have to surround your homes with high walls and huge gates?

What kind of peace is this that people have gone to the extent of going to a native doctor for charms and jewelry for protection? What kind of peace is this that large numbers of innocent people are being murdered and no action is being taken? What kind of peace is this that a country with so many natural resources cannot provide her citizens with 24 hrs electricity? What kind of peace is this with so much tribalism? Yet you say we live in peace, is that really peace? The corruption of the leaders has swallowed our peace, and now they need vomit it back up. Otherwise we are all living in this great pretense.

I began with what is peace, and that is not peace. This is peace " a state of mutual harmony between people or groups" and unfortunately this is not the case in Nigeria. Peace is harmony, love and unity.

Tioluwaniogo Branco-Rhodes

Perspective

The view from my office is beautiful. I can see the whole of Victoria Island from the balcony. I can see the Atlantic Ocean from my seat. It seems endless, it seems so near yet so far. I wonder if that’s the paradox of life. Just when you get there, you find out you haven’t even started. That’s a story for another day.  For now, whether you think you are there or only just at the beginning depends on only one thing. Perspective.

I wonder where the water is going. You may wonder where it’s coming from. My friend’s brother was at war with his parents over something he wanted to do. They didn't want him to do it because, it wasn't done in their culture. He wanted to do it because, we are in modern times and things like that don’t matter. Unfortunately for them all, I was called to judge the matter. How do you judge a matter that is so even? I understood his parent’s perspective but I also understood his.

Sometimes, we just need to take a few minutes and think about not what started the misunderstanding but the different points trying to be passed across. Sometimes, we just need to stop and realise that absolutely everything can go two ways. The water is coming from somewhere but its going somewhere too. Hence, you are right but so I’m I.

We need to be aware of each other. I think we spend so much time fighting the wrong battles. We shouldn't be fighting each other’s perspective but rather fighting to understand each other’s perspective.

Have a wonderful day!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Ourselves

“We don’t know enough about ourselves & continue to be enslaved by a narrative about ourselves told by other people” - Thabo Mbeki

I read this quote to my immediate younger sister and her reply was “yes nau. If you want to hide anything from a black person, put it in a book.” Her English teacher told her that.

Mbeki is right. We don’t know enough about ourselves. The video above, made me cry the first time I watched it. Why do we refuse to educate ourselves about ourselves? Why do we continue to believe and re-tell the single story told to us by other people about ourselves?

 I think we need to read more. I think we need to ask more and I think we need to learn more. Other people’s narratives of us can only continue to enslave us. We need freedom. Our children need to know the truth about themselves.

I thank the Lord for the Nigerian and African writers and only God knows how much I love them but we need to teach the children to love them too. I have a dream that one day, children will swap and scramble for African books, the way I scrambled for and swapped Enid Blyton books. As a child, reading Enid Blyton was “IT.” My friends and I fought for the ‘person who has read the most Enid Blyton books’ title. Only if Enid Blyton was Nigerian or African. And dropped little nuggets of our history in those stories that sparked my imagination so much.

Only if we had a Nigerian writer whose head was filled with knowledge and heart filled with passion for telling that knowledge to our little children in ways that spark their imagination but fills them with pride when the book ends. Only if.

Maybe then, Mbeki will be wrong.

Have a wonderful day!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Hair

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie once said hair is a political thing. She couldn't have been more right. It amazes me how little, Africans know about their natural hair. 

The first thing people say when they see my hair is, "how do you manage it?" Or "how do you comb it?" Isn't it sad that they don't know how to manage or comb their natural hair but know how to style, protect and manage relaxed hair? Isn't it sad that they immediately assume I'm 'very Afrocentric' because I keep my hair the way it was made by God?

I met a Zambian girl (Lulu) that was visiting Nigeria for the first time and the first thing she said to me was, "I love your hair!" Then she went on to tell me about how she has natural hair underneath her braids too and showed me pictures on her phone. That made my evening. There I was, sharing an instant connection with another African girl who had been in Lagos for less than 24 hours. Infact  it made my week. I'm happy there's a 'natural hair trend' now but what will make me happier is if it turns from a trend to a lifestyle. What will happen if relaxers become a thing of the past? What will happen if every single girl that has gone natural stays natural till she dies? Won't that be beautiful?

If you still think natural hair is bad or difficult to maintain, its not your fault. I once thought that too. Its the fault of your mother and her mother. Please don't put chemicals on your daughter's hair. Teach her to comb it only when it is fully moisturised. Teach her to go to sleep wearing a silk scarf. Teach her to love her hair. The day I cut my hair, I hated it. I tried to cover it up or not go anywhere. Then one unceremonious morning, while staring in the mirror, I fell in love. I feel in love with its texture, its curls, the way it looked. I have never loved my hair the way I love it now. Its amazing. This is freedom.

Lulu told me this, "until you love your natural hair, I don't think you can ever fully love yourself" and she is very right. If you don't see yourself ever going natural, that's fine. But, please give your daughters a chance. Don't reinforce the opinions of your mother and grandmother in their little minds. Teach them to love every inch of themselves including the hair they are born with. After all, they are beautiful.

Have a wonderful day!

 

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

National conference

Nigeria’s foundation is faulty. Our country was built on corruption, forcefulness, tribalism and treachery. We need to understand that our country is the way it is, because the British people who colonised us so many years ago, set it up to be this way. Until we reset the country, I don’t think we can ever be fully free.

I recently read the history of Nigeria for the first time and I was shaken, then dumbfounded and then sad. I don’t think Nigerians understand. Most countries are born out of friendly alliances, our country was born out of greed and exploitation.

I don’t want to say Nigeria is a failed state but what do you call a country that chases away its people? What do you call a country that treats its own people like garbage? What do you call a country that doesn't value lives?

I want a genuine sovereign national conference. It gives us a chance to amend our foundation. To fill the cracks in the wall of the house that we call Nigeria. It gives us a chance to treat the wounds of our injured mother that is Nigeria. If it’s not going to be genuine, the government can forget about it. The only thing worse than ignoring a wounded man is giving him a false sense of hope that you will treat him.

If the conference will be anything like the fuel subsidy protests of 2012, which was filled with so much potential yet achieved very little, then the government can save their time. The people forced into this country deserve a genuine conference. The thousands of ethnic minorities in Nigeria deserve a genuine conference.

My grandmother once told me Nigeria is not a homogeneous country and I’m only just realising how true she was. That statement is why we need this conference. Every citizen of Nigeria should have a represented voice in the affairs of the country. The impunity in this country we call our own must end.

I end with the words of my grandfather, Dr Tunji Braithwaite " A successful conference will birth a truly independent Nigeria"

Have a wonderful day!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

PRAON (Potential Returnees’ Association Of Nigeria)

You want to return home. You don’t know how. You wish you could return home. You wish you knew how to. I hate the word returnees, so I’m going to call them, People Who've Come Back (PWCB). The word “returnees” is too close to deportees or refugees for me. PWCB’s chose to come back.

You are starting to think of coming home too. If you were waiting for that sign from God, well, here it is. Go. Come back. Nigeria needs you. You need Nigeria. Your children need Nigeria. I normally like avoiding topics that seem to be “trending” such as this but not today. Are there challenges in Nigeria? Definitely. Will it be easy for you? No.Will it be worth it? Absolutely.

Last night, I met a Person Who’s Come Back (PWCB) and he was telling about all the challenges in Nigeria like no light, traffic, slow internet and how everything takes twice as long. Nonetheless, he ended with “But, there’s nothing as empowering as knowing that I actually have a chance to change something or genuinely help someone.” That statement inspired this post.

This post is specifically for members of PRAON. If you are thinking of coming home, you are a member. If you've ever seriously thought about coming back, you are a member. If you wish you could seriously think about coming home, you are a member. We are waiting for you. Nigeria is patiently waiting for you.

Have a wonderful day beautiful people!

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

Million dollar homes in slums.

Lagos has many slums. Worst part, properties in certain slums cost millions of dollars. Don’t get me wrong I still love Lagos and I still think it’s an amazing city but the truth has to be told. As I stared out my window on my way back from work, I couldn't help but wonder, why?

Why do we want to pay millions of naira and dollars for a house in a smelly neighbourhood? Why do we want to live on streets so bad you almost have to buy new cars every year? Why are we wearing ourselves out trying to live half baked ‘luxurious’ lives?

I’m tired of entering beautiful houses on terrible roads. I’m tired of holding my breath in some of the most expensive neighbourhoods in Lagos. Worst still, I’m tired of people pretending they live in Hollywood when in reality, they live in glorified slums.

Lagos can be truly beautiful. Not the beauty that most people claim they see but the beauty that is seen by all and denied by none. When will it be? Is it when my grandchildren and your grandchildren are 80 years old? I hope not. I certainly pray not.

Have a wonderful day beautiful people.

With all my love,

Dárà Rhodes x

53 years and still nothing. (October 1st 2013)

                           Forgive me, I lied. 53 years and still nothing? Well, there are somethings. I said there's nothing because in a certain country in the Western region of Africa called Nigeria, promises mean nothing. How is it possible that the 'promises' the government of my grandparents generation made are still the same 'promises' the government in power today are making? 19 years, I've been on earth and all the problems that the country had at my birth are the same problems a child born in Nigeria today will meet on arrival into the world. Maybe, I didn't lie. Or maybe I'm not exaggerating. Maybe 53 years and still nothing, is the perfect title.

        The governments lied to us, cheated us and even made us believe that the state of the country is normal. They sowed seeds of hatred among us, after all, to conquer us, they had to divide us. Elections are rigged, laws are meaningless and election promises are empty words. Yet, the people are silent. Thousands of children die everyday, physically, mentally and emotionally. Yet, the government pretends not to see. For 53 years, Nigerians have sung the same song, prayed the same prayers and cried the same tears over and over again. Actually, No. I'm sure the first year after we gained independence from the British colonial rule must have been different. Yes, it was. The hope that we struggle to keep alive on a daily basis now, was strongest then. Growing weaker as the years went on. The people who have fought and died for the country all seem to have done so in vain. How can the people be so tired of it all, and yet still so strong?  

                                           Whilst a typical day in Nigeria involves, fumes, darkness (due to random and several power cuts during the day) and extreme heat, Nigerians stay hopeful, positive and happy. The strong will and determination of any Nigerian is unmatched. The sheer warmth of any Nigerian is unmatched. When our government gives us ten thousand reasons to sing only dirges, we find one reason to sing the happiest song ever sung and we dance to it with all the energy in our tired bodies. Little wonder then why a poll by the United Nations (UN) found Nigerians to be the happiest people in the world. Despite the intense poverty, corruption and violence that besets us, we are a beautiful people. Truly beautiful. The warm smile of a little girl on the streets with absolutely no clothes on her body confirms that statement. "Suffering and smiling" a song by Fela, is the true anthem of the people. We are always smiling, dancing and dreaming. That's the true Nigerian spirit.

                                       Death remains every Nigerian's deepest fear. When I was younger, I always thought that surely, Nigerians shouldn't be afraid of death because it offers an escape from their very harsh realities. I couldn't have been more wrong. Every Nigerian's motto is "as long as there is life, there is hope for a better tomorrow" and Lord do they believe that. We don't give up, we don't despair and we don't give in. Maybe that's why our governments have refused us our rights to education. An educated Nigeria will definitely be the end of their wicked and corrupt regime. 

                                  In conclusion, 53 years is a long time for a country not to have made any significant progress, however, it is not the end of the journey. As a matter of fact, we've only begun. I'm certain that with my generation, the future of Nigeria shall be greater than its past. My generation is the future. I love my country so much, I believe in it with every inch of me. My children will tell their children about a different Nigeria. Things will change. Things must change. I know it starts me, and I accept that responsibility. Finally, there's one thing I hope doesn't change. And that's the true Nigerian spirit.

With all my love
Dárà Rhodes x

Last.

      We seem to be locked in this cycle of "all things first". Especially in this part of the world. First to finish school, first to get a job, first to marry, first to buy the latest car. Sad truth? Many of us are begining to live our lives for these first tittles. Afterall, "Warri no dey carry last" Yet, I can't help but think that the people who come in 'last' are somehow the true winners.

       First of all, each and every single one of us are on very different journeys. So please tell me the wisdom in using one ruler to judge all our progresses. Some may have to go back to go forward and others may have to go really slowly to reach their destination in one piece. Who really gave us the power/ right to judge another person's journey? That your child and my child were in the same class but your child had to repeat a year, hence finishing a year later does not in any way imply that my child will be more successful than yours. Infact, I've found that most times, the later or slower ones tend to be the more successful ones. The fable of the hare and tortoise we are all so familiar with comes to my mind now. Maybe "slow and steady" really does win the race.

          "Late bloomers" are another example. Ever noticed how the girls in senior school/high school that mature last are most times the unpopular and uncool ones and boys seem to always gather around the early bloomers like bees and honey? Well, boys have testified time and time again that in the end (when everyone in the class eventually matures) the late bloomers are usually much better looking than the early bloomers. Unfortunately and this is the irony of life, the boys realise this long after the senior/high school days are over. You see, I believe that the slow and steady development in the late boomer girls is what causes them to outshine their early blooming counterparts, in the end, For the slow or late ones, please don't be deterred by the early craze. You will win at the end of it all.

    Finally, in a world where everybody is hurrying to only God knows where, don't be afraid to go slow and enjoy your own journey.


Have a wonderful day beautiful people!

With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes x

Different.

       "I like you. You are so different from everybody in your family." My first reaction was "omg, not again." He was not the first to tell me this but I've known this man for less than a month. Surely, I'm not that obviously different! As I was wondering what my driver meant by that statement I couldn't help but ponder a bit on the word "different". He likes that I'm different so that's good right? But, does that mean that my family is bad for being the same? I'll like to hope not. What I'm trying to say is, I believe that there will always be some "different" people. However, for them to be different, there has to be "same" or "normal".

       I wish I could say being different is always wonderful, beautiful and amazing. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it is, sometimes, mais (BUT in french) most times its really not. Certainly doesn't feel it. You just can't pretend to to "normal" even when that's all you want to be. Infact the biggest problem with being different is the gross loneliness that comes with the tittle. With normal or same, people to advise you abound but when you are different or doing something nobody has done before, who can advise you? Instead, they start questioning your every move. "Are you alright?" "Are you sure about this?" You are forced to be courageous on a daily basis. You are forced to be strong daily. You are forced to be brave.

        To all my fellow different people out there, embrace it. I know its difficult sometimes especially when you are different by default, mais it is a beautiful thing. Everybody that likes me likes me because I'm different. They like me because I'm me. I don't hear people say, "I like you, you are the same as everybody I know". Different people make the world interesting. Different people make the world, the world. If everyone in this world was the same or normal, God knows I'd have relocated to Mars as soon as I could walk. It can be hard being different especially when its like people see you and see different written on your forehead. Nonetheless, I've found that, until we can learn to love our differences, we won't truly love ourselves.

Have a wonderful day beautiful people!

With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes x

Sweet nothings.

       I think we all need to hear sweet nothings from time to time. Does everything really have to be deep and meaningful? Sometimes we just need to hear words of endearment. However, I can't help but wonder if its the need to hear these words that drive many of us into futile or even damaging relationships?


    Before you start thinking, "Dara don't be ridiculous" hear me out. Maybe words are too light. I'll use actions. Could the need for actions that on the grand scale mean nothing and that'll most likely do more harm than good be the drive of many of our relationships? I hate wasting time and even more importantly, I hate other people wasting my time. So maybe that's why I cannot understand why people enter into some relationships knowing its doomed from the start. The only conclusion my little brain can gather from this is; sometimes human beings just want sweet nothings.


     Consequences? We don't want to think about them. No, no. We'll deal with them when they come later. Much later. When perhaps its too late to undo the disastrous deeds. Can't think of an example of what I'm saying? I'll give you one. A boy and girl or man and woman know that the 'thing' between them isn't going anywhere yet (because "he tells me sweet things" or is loving sometimes), the girl/woman ends up pregnant with a child neither of them really want or can cater for. If this isn't a good example of sweet nothings and its consequences, then I really don't know what is.


    In conclusion, to me, sweet nothings are a waste. A waste of everything. A waste of words. A waste of time. A waste of energy. Why say or do something you don't mean? And before you say, but Dara, its affectionate, if you truly want to be affectionate, why not say and do what you really mean? Or has something happened to, honesty is the best policy? Lol. Excuse my pessimism. Sweet nothings can be wonderful. Especially when its the right person saying those words or doing those things. However, until then, I'd much rather the wrong people save it.

Have a wonderful day beautiful people!


With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes x

Little.

     I love children. I really do. The innocence and purity of a child is unmatched. I'm slowly coming to believe that an adult is a child only with boundaries, systems and problems. Do we really need these boundaries and systems?

    I saw the children (well, I guess they are adults now) I played with as a child and my mouth literally dropped. We ate on the same table in my house till we were full and then ran outside to play till we were too weak to walk. In the evenings, we sat and told each other stories for hours, till our parents returned from work and scattered us. They taught me how to play "10/10 and tinko" and I taught them how to play hopscotch. They've always lived in the boys quarters but that never even occurred to me. Thinking about it now, I wonder where I thought they came from. Probably never even thought about it. I was too grateful to have playmates day in, day out. I spent everyday of my holidays with these 'friends' and there was no difference between any of us. It certainly felt like there wasn't. Fast forward, 10 years. The difference in our lives is unbelievable. Maybe it was obvious from the beginning but my point and the point of this post is that, it didn't matter. Why? Because I was little. As I drove past one of my 'friends' sitting by a stall selling petty things on the roadside, I had only two questions. 1) Are we doomed or esteemed from birth? ( is life is really that straightforward?) 2) Why doesn't it matter when we are little?

   No doubt, the "real world" is harsh, mean and unfair. Maybe that's why little children are always so happy. Afterall, they're not in the real world. Yet. Would this world be better if we didn't throw away the 'little' minds we developed as children? Would this world be fairer if race, disabilities, background and class systems didn't matter to us the way they don't matter to little children? At what age did we discard "little"? Is our new found 'big' really doing the best for us? I wish I knew the answers to these questions but I really don't. As I sit and wonder, I hope, no, I pray, we haven't made a terrible mistake by trading in little for big.

Have a wonderful day beautiful people!

With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes x

Next.

  What's next? We live in a world where what is next is nearly more important than what is now. From the day we are born, we are taught to anticipate what is next. While its a blessing, I mean its a sign of progress and forward movement, I can't help but think that this is also a curse.

   Many of us enter relationships with our minds subconsciously thinking, "who's next?" and then wonder what happened when the relationship hits a brick wall and both parties abscond. Even more scarily, many a times we enter into marriages with this same mindset. Worse still, many of us can't believe that after marriage, there's no 'next'. Why are we so eager to find out what or who is next? And why is it so hard for us to understand that peharps, there is nothing next. Who knows, maybe we may actually begin to enjoy now.

    Now is beautiful. Now is all we have. Now is all we are sure of. I understand that we are progressive creatures but will we die if we just savoured the time we are given in sweet moments called now? I highly doubt that. Many times, we spend our time counting down days or waiting for the 30th of a month that only began. Will we ever be satisfied with just now? With nothing next? I don't know. However I do that to be in constant anticipation of what is next cannot be good for any of us. Relax, have a good day and don't waste now, thinking about what's next!

Have a wonderful day beautiful people!

With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes x

19

So so grateful for life. As I begin my 19th year on earth today, I wish you all a wonderful new month.

Have a wonderful day, beautiful people!

With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes x

Puzzle.

         Bad things happen. Good things happen. Why do we find it so difficult to be thankful? Maybe its because we can't see the full picture of the puzzle that is our lives. You grow in bad times and enjoy the good times. As I sit and enjoy these last few hours of my 18th year, I can't but be thankful. The bad times this year made me grow immensely and the good times filled me with happiness. Looking back now, every single thing that happened, all fits nicely in my head. The puzzle that is my life is far from completed, but knowing that all those bad times fit together beautifully, give me the courage to go on. It wasn't an easy year but true to the meaning of my name; Oluwadara, God was so good.

  
       As I turn 19 tomorrow (1st of August), my heart is so full of thanks. And I want to use this platform to express my gratitude. I really do hope you all can stay with me and grow with me through this amazing journey. My 18th year on earth has taught me that life is truly really wonderful. You'll have horrible times but all you need to do at those times is hang on. All you need to know is, Its all part of the puzzle and it'll definitely come together with time. The sun will shine again.

With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes x

Wrong.

      Something is not right. Something is definitely not right. My society is rotting. My society is decaying. It's crumbling before my very eyes. How do I stop it? How do we stop it? Things have truly fallen apart. It's breaking my heart. How isn't it breaking anyone else's heart? Somebody must do something. Anybody must do something.

      Let me tell you what has happened. You see, I live in an abnormal society. 3% of the society is oppressing and suppressing the remaining 97%. I saw a little girl chase a public bus on third mainland bridge and my heart literally broke. She couldn't have been more than two years older than my 5 years old sister whom I love ever so dearly. She was chasing after that bus to collect her money from one man who had just bought water from her. Who would let their precious little girl sell water on such a busy bridge? People in cars ranging from Porshes to range rover sports, watched as this little girl ran after a moving bus barefooted. Endangering her life. Afterall, it wasn't their business.


        97% of the people in my society look on frustrated, defeated and angered as the 3% A.K.A the olowo's (wealthy people) flaunt their wealth in their faces. Surely, that's not right. They see the 'development' of their city/country but don't taste it. They are treated like garbage in their own country. Please tell me something is not right. I don't get it. I really don't. How are the 3% so completely blinded to the reality of our city and our country? Do they honestly not see the struggle or hear the cries of these innocent people? I live in a society where graduates with first class degrees are jobless and graduates with third class degrees or even no degrees (from abroad ofcourse) are PLACED in top positions simply because their father knows someone or is someone. The widows and fatherless cry out in distress daily yet, somehow their cries go unheard. Looking at the faces of the people in the public buses and all I see is pain, struggle and disappointment. How does nobody else see this?

     Going to a wedding or party of the elite in Lagos or Abuja is like being transported into another world. Almost like paradise. Yes, its like escaping into some sort of heaven. A few minutes to adjust back to reality is certainly needed when the party ends. Everything is clean, shiny and expensive. There is food pouring out of every corner and there are more than enough drinks for every one in your village. The amount of food is literally sickening. Yet, thousands if not milions of people in this very same city are starving. Everyone is dressed like royalty and treated like dignitaries. Smiles, hugs and kisses abound. Music and dancing continue till the early hours of the morning. My question; what happens when the music fades? What happens when all the pandemonium, glitz, fashion and madness turns to darkness? Well, everyone carries on pretending. I guess.

    I could go on and on about all the sectors we've blinded our eyes to but I'll stop here. My society is a facade. Worst part? We live like all is well. We live like we can't see the suffering of children the same ages as our children and loved ones. We live like our society is whole and booming. How do we think our society is normal? How have we deceived ourselves so much? How did we become so ridiculously selfish? So just because she/he is not your child you turn a deaf ear on their plea? My heart weeps when I see some faces in traffic or drive by certain areas. When will the eyes of our government see their plight? When will OUR own eyes see their struggle? Who will tell their story? Like I said at the begining of this post, something is not right and we HAVE to fix it. The innocent children of Nigeria DESERVE a better society.


With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes. X

Lagos, Nigeria.

          There is something about Lagos. I knew it! I know it! I've always known it. Maybe it's the fact that it's the only real home I've known. Or, maybe it's the fact that it was a hospital in Victoria Island that welcomed me into this world. Whatever it is, I love it! The last time I was in Lagos was August 2010 (3 years ago) yet every single day I spent away from this city, my yearning to return only grew stronger. So, you cannot imagine my excitement and joy when I was given a chance to take a year out and work. Anywhere in the world. Yet, Lagos was all I saw.

          Don't get me wrong. Lagos is still VERY much a developing state and there is still an incredulous amount of poverty in this city BUT it is home. My home. And nothing, absolutely nothing beats that. As I landed in Murtala Muhammed Airport that fateful morning, I couldn't help but notice that the weather wasn't as hot as I thought it'll be. Yes, its the raining season in Nigeria but I was still shocked to find it cooler than london. My mind translated that as, London/England had become too hot for me. Why or how? I'm still not sure but that coolness I felt that morning definitely stirred up something in me. The drought (heat) in Lagos is over. It is a new day in Lagos and Nigeria.

        The journey home? Nothing in Lagos had quite changed. The roads, the hustle and bustle of the city at the crack of dawn and most importantly, the people. I was happy that everything was exactly the same, till I realised I was 3 years older. Then, I felt guilty. There I was being driven to my beautiful house after an immense/intense period of growth in my life had just occurred, while everything around me in my home city seemed to have remained stagnant. Still, I was grateful and overjoyed to be home. Nelson Mandela is right. "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered." There is some growth, don't get me wrong. However, its been very minimal. There is something I've never quite understood. How do the Nigerians that live in diaspora do it? I can certainly not imagine living anywhere else in this world but Lagos. If you are a Nigerian in diaspora reading this, you need to at least return (if for nothing else, to experience Nelson Mandela's quote for yourself) home for a couple of days. I know Nigeria has some serious problems but if everyone runs from the country to countries they THINK have lesser problems, we are just creating bigger problems for our children.

        Like I said at the very beginning of this post, there is something about Lagos. I can't explain what it is. Maybe it's even only me that feels it, but it is an amazing feeling. And I pray everyone has a city they feel this kind of passion about. So yes, here I am at the start of my 1 year in Lagos totally unaware of what this year holds for me. Nonetheless, I do know one thing. It IS a new day in Lagos. Remember, just because it doesn't feel like a new day to you, doesn't mean its not. Lagos Nigeria, I love you more than you'll ever know. Not because of the wonderful life you've given me and my family, but because of the amazing life I know you are capable of giving 99.9% of all your residents. Thank you for being my home and I can't wait to prove my love for you.


With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes x

Negativity.

       I love negativity. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a negative person. Yet somehow, I always seem to be surrounded by negative energy. At first it bugged me and used to tear me down but when I realised that me getting depressed about it, didn't stop it, I found a way to turn all that energy into something amazing. Why are people so negative? I don't know. Maybe the emotion is a mixture of Jealousy and fear of the unknown. Maybe its not. What I do know is that, negative energy can give you your greatest push yet, if you let it. OR, it can push you off the edge, if you let it. Stay with me, I'll explain.


You see, negativity is a cue that you are doing something right or on your way to doing something great. You may say, but Dara, most people get negative energy so why aren't they all great? Well, I agree, most people or a large number of people receive a lot of negative energy but most of them do not or can't rise above it. Worse, they don't know how to convert this energy. I've grown to love negative energy. When I tell people I want to be a media mogul, I almost pray they don't believe it. I love it so much when someone says, "you can't" or "its not possible". Even better, "you're wasting your time". There is something so motivating about negative words. However, the mind has to be trained or turned into a converter. It won't be easy at all but you have to get to the point where you believe(with all your heart) that the greatest people have the fiercest battles. And, they are the greatest because they win. Many great people die without realising the greatness on the inside of them. As if all the battles aren't tough enough, other people's negativity then comes to kill the little hope they have left. Cruel? Absolutely. Yet somehow to win, you must learn to not only maintain that hope, but change it from little, to mighty. How? By converting the killer (negativity) into probably the strongest member of your army.


My point? Change the negative energy around you to positive energy and use it to propel you further!

Have a wonderful day!!

With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes.

Being beautiful.

   What is beautiful? This word seems to be slowly consuming us. Everybody wants to be beautiful. The make-up and fashion industries are soaring. We spend precious time and money adorning ourselves just to be beautiful. Yet, somehow, millions of us do not still believe we deserve to be described with this word. I googled "beautiful?" and it came up with about 1,760,000,000 results. One word. So many meanings. I really don't want to add any more meanings to this word, so I'll go straight to the point.

Why is there an obsession with this word? Its a pity. It really is. Something so temporary. Why does something that ends  the moment we die control our minds so much? As a little girl, I remember praying "Dear God, please just make my face beautiful and I'll be happy." I remember wishing people saw me and went "wow, Dara is beautiful." From as young as 6 years old, I knew being beautiful was a great thing. How? I'm not quite sure. Last night, as I tossed and turned in my bed unable to sleep, I couldn't help but say that prayer again. However, I said my "heart" instead of my face (afterall, I'd been praying about my face for so long, if God was going to answer that prayer, he'd have answered it a long time ago) so the prayer went thus "Dear God, please just give me a beautiful heart and I'll be happy." Yet after saying that prayer and with my 19th birthday barely 2 months away, I still felt like I didn't really know what a beautiful heart is. I mean, we all know what a beautiful face looks like. The media never fails to educate us on that but I can't help thinking what will happen if, the media fed us with what beautiful hearts look like, the way what beautiful faces look like, is constantly being shoved down our throats. Will we be just as obsessed with the word as we all seem now?

The more I pondered on this topic, the more restless I became. On my quest to found out more about this word, I turned to my buddy, youtube. Before I searched anything, I just scrolled down my home page looking for anything with the word beautiful, and right at the bottom of the page, was a Nollywood movie called "beautiful soul." Skeptical but relieved, I checked how long the movie was (part 1 and 2) and checked my time. It was 2:15am and both parts came to about 2 hours, 20 minutes or so. I let out a sigh and began watching.


At about half past four am, it ended. My mind in a completely different place from where it was when I began. I won't share the details because I honestly don't have the strength to tell the story but I can say that it was watching that movie that inspired this post. Yes, I was thinking about the word but I wasn't sure what it really meant and I didn't want to put up anything too cliche so I didn't think this post was going to happen. However, with a completely new perspective on this word, I can quite confidently define beautiful as selflessness. A truly beautiful person is a truly selfless person. Selfless acts are beautiful. Just imagine if we were 'programmed' to view our acts of pure undiluted love as beautiful instead of our faces or/and bodies. Maybe, just maybe, there'll be a few more selfless people in this world.

I've been fortunate to have quite a number of selfless people around me and believe you me, there's something about them I couldn't really describe before now. They glow far more beautifully than mac has ever made anyone glow. There really is nothing more beautiful than watching them give themselves and their resources away. Selflessly. So in a world where beauty products come out everyday either for "maintaining your beautiful youth" or "bringing out the beauty goddess in you" why not look for the beauty that never ever fades. Best part? Its free and it carries on long after we die! Try selflessness and you won't be disappointed. When your beautiful face and body are long gone, your selfless acts linger on.


Have a wonderful day beautiful people!

With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes.

Upper class

Who are the real upper class? Are they the people that throw parties every weekend or the people that drive around in the most swanky cars? Are they the people that hoard obscene amounts of money in various accounts scattered around the world? Are they the people that live like kings and queens? Are they the people in government pocketing silly amounts of money?

I couldn't sleep last night. Those questions swam around my head. I know both my grandparents and parents are upper class but does that make me upper class by default? I also know that my parents do not hoard obscene amounts of money in accounts all over the world. "New money, upstarts and opportunists" are words I grew up hearing. My grandparents and parents used these words so freely to describe all the people mentioned in the first paragraph. I understand that upper class people own things instead of working for other people and its something you're born into. Does this mean if I buy a bookshop, I'm upper class? Or my children will be? Afterall, I own it. And they'll be born into it. Growing up, I remember my nannies being told off for me getting a bit of chocolate on my new dress. Was it really their fault?

Maybe that's why I'm constantly trying to defy this system. From infancy, I was my mother's most clumsy child and her only daughter that was a tomboy. Furthermore, I was a Yoruba child more interested in Igbo than Yoruba. Something my parents had not seen nor heard before. Of all their seven children, I stick out like a sore thump. People that meet me first and then meet any of my siblings always say "omg, I can't believe those are your siblings, they are so different from you Dara." Honestly, I see it as a compliment. Is it bad that there's something about being crass I love so much? Ofcourse I'd never ever be crass at a party. Especially not a family party. No, no, no. After, maybe. But during, I've got to be in form, displaying the highest level of sophistication. Afterall, the family are the stars of that show.

My maternal grandpa's 70th was my major introduction. I was 8 years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. Preparations for that day started just before my 7th years old birthday. Two weeks to the day, my mother called me into her room and ran through all my manners, sternly reminding me I'm not a boy. God forbid I broke a glass or spilt my chapman down my beautiful dress. Thankfully, I didn't. But still, I left that venue with only one shoe and one earring. My mother couldn't care less about the shoe but my word, that earring. She told that story to anyone willing to listen. I titled it, "how Dara misplaced her silver swarovski earring." I was 8 for crying out loud.

By the time I turned 10, I had an amazing birthday party which in hindsight was probably my send off party because barely a month after that day I was whisked off to what my mother called a "boot camp training school" I remember crying myself to sleep for 2 months after I got there. It was hell. I was with people I didn't even know existed. In the middle of nowhere in Nigeria. It was the opposite of everything and anything I had known. I woke up crying everyday wondering how my parents could be so wicked. Previously, I had thought Lagos was Nigeria and Nigeria was Lagos. I mean I was taught the 36 states of Nigeria at school but it was just something I needed to know. It wasn't real. My parents took me from Lagos to England. From Lagos to America. From Lagos to Italy. From Lagos to France. And then back to Lagos. Travelling meant leaving the country. I couldn't believe you could travel to anywhere outside Lagos in Nigeria. I mean, I didn't believe there was anywhere outside Lagos in Nigeria. That is, until I got to this "boot camp training school". At age 10, the normal thing would have been for me to go to England to start prep school. However my mother said she sent me to Ogun state because I was so badly behaved. That was when and where my life changed.

The people at this school came from Warri, Edo, Portharcourt and all over Nigeria. I met people who had never been to Lagos and nearly collapsed. I had to wash my own clothes, make my own bed and get up at 5.20am everyday. There was no hot water or running water. I had to share my room with 3 other people. I wasn't allowed my phone, to bring food from my house nor any money. No laptop, no internet. I saw the other side of life. Everybody from my grandparents to my aunties and uncles begged my parents to remove me from that "jungle" but my very strong willed mother fought them off. My mother left Lagos to start prep school in England at 10 years old and my father left Lagos to go to a private boarding school in America at 12. How could they possibly understand how miserable I was? My 1st year there was horrible. I cried every single day and night. The other children noticed how weak I was and used that to torture me. My second year there was a tiny bit better. I cried every other day. My third (and last) year there was the best year. Still horrible but better than the first two. I cried twice every week. A lot of tears, I know but I definitely left there a changed Dara. Maybe my parents just got tired of my tears or maybe they actually started seeing some change, I don't know. But after my 3rd year there and at the age of 13, they finally moved me to England to start my school.

Ofcourse something had shifted in me. I wasn't the regular Nigerian upper class girl coming to England kind again. I was the Ogun state school-girl coming to England with all happiness and gratitude to God. At long last. It was literally heaven. There was running water, hot water. I had a room to myself at school. I woke up at 7.15am, everyone was so nice and polite. I had pocket money every weekend. I had my new phone, could eat anything I wanted and went to bed early. There was internet and I could go shopping every week. Heaven. A few of the people I went to primary school with in Lagos (the fellow "upper class kids") were just starting to come to England then too but I honestly couldn't care less. I saw the pictures of parties they had in London on facebook and I'd be lying if I said wasn't jealous however, something had changed in me. Was I still upper class, I think so. I mean, I was in the boot camp for only three years. My family was still my family and I was still a Lagos girl. But my friends had changed and my former friends, had become pictures at parties on facebook. Seeing I had lost all my "upper class" (many of which my parents described their parents as new money and upstarts) friends, I turned my energy into getting to know the people that were not upper class.


At this point I had left Ogun state, so the closest I got to the "middle or lower classes" were my parents staff. And I only saw them when I was on holidays in Lagos. Nonetheless, I spent most of my time in the kitchen with the cook or house keeper, learning how to cook and clean. My two younger sisters that went to England with me (at 11 and 9 years old) couldn't understand why I spent so much time with the staff. After dinner at the table every evening, I was the only child who thanked both parents for the food and washed my plate with the househelp. Did this mean I had become a middle or lower class girl? I don't know. However I do know, it grew compassion in my heart towards people less fortunate than I. Maybe, my mind is middle class, or maybe its upper class, I don't care. What I do care about is using all the privileges God has given me in life to help other people.

My family is made up of lawyers and doctors on my maternal and paternal side so it was only natural for me to gravitate towards law (I hated maths). Whenever people asked me why I wanted to do law, my reply was, I want to help people. Two years ago, I had an epiphany. My family has and had some very great lawyers however, this doesn't mean I'll be one. This was when I set out to find my 'own calling.' Now I'm doing Media and Communications and I LOVE every second of it. My grandpa is still quite weary of this decision even after my first year of uni has just ended. On seeing my obstinate drive and ambition, my parents have turned into my no 1 fans and I really am thankful to them.


When I set out writing this post, I had no idea who the upper class were except that my family are in that class and now, at the end, I still don't know who they are exactly. But I do know that, truly being upper class is a thing of the mind. Something that you don't fight to acquire. Its something that you just have and its something that can't be taken away from you. The how's and why's, still elude me.


Have a wonderful day!!



With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes. X

Waiting

    I hate waiting. I mean, why should we still have to wait in this our generation? We are the NOW generation, aren't we? We shouldn't and yes we are. However, I don't think life got the memo. It still forces that bitter pill called waiting, down our throats. As a child, I kicked and fussed and threw tantrums but the older I've gotten, the more I've realised how important and critical it is to take that wait pill. Its still bitter and I still hate it, but I have definitely found that most times, greatness/success can only come after an intensive period of waiting.


Waiting for the kettle to boil, (or for my train to arrive, or for the plane to take off) still annoys the hell out of me and probably will till the day I leave this earth. Nonetheless, I really do believe that there are certain moves/decisions that we take, that can ONLY prosper after we have waited. Please stay with me. You see, waiting helps us put things in perspective. It also forces you to think that next move through, thoroughly. One reason I believe so many people failed is because, they thought of something, great idea, planned it, and jumped into it.
Like the oven bakes the cake, so do our minds need time to bake our next moves. Most times, many of us are forced into the waiting room by life and we have absolutely no option but to wait in there. What you do in that waiting room will determine whether you step out into greatness or mediocrity. I walked into a hospital waiting room and sat down. I like to observe people so it didn't take long before I discovered something. Everybody in the room was waiting for something, but waited very different. Some people(myself included) sat down, looking very bored. Some people were flicking through the old magazines put there by the hospital, mainly to pass the time. Some people were doing what I suppose is their work. Some were reading books they brought along and finally some people were pacing the room.

Me in that waiting room that day, really did help me picture life's waiting room in my head. Life WILL put you into that room at one point or another and what you do in that room determines how you come out or what happens when you come out. The wisest people or the group of people I wish I was amongst in that waiting room were the people doing work or reading. The people pacing represent the people who hate waiting. They just want to be out of that room. Whether they are stepping out to hear good news or bad news. Success or failure. They hope its success, but waste their time in the waiting room, pacing. Instead of praying and working.

Here's another perspective. Most times, that waiting room is not a room but an awning. Still exposing us to the harsh winds. In waiting places like this, the people are all forced to stand and find better shelter. Waiting places like this represent strong adversities that beset some people while they wait. Maybe that's why these people from this waiting place tend to be the most successful. Afterall, adversity really is the foundation of success. Successful and inwardly beautiful people do not just happen. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross told us in,

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

Back to my example of the oven. That's another waiting place and its hot. Very hot. Here, you just have to go through that painful process but when you come out, you will be complete and ready.
  
    "Sometimes things have to go wrong in order to go right.”-Sherrilyn Kenyon

In conclusion, If your waiting room is a nice room like the hospital, it is still a waiting place, so get to work. If your waiting place is an awning, stand. If your waiting place is the oven, persevere. I'm sure there are thousands of other types of waiting places, however, whatever place you're in, instead of kicking and fussing, allow life put that pill in your mouth and although its bitter, swallow it. It'll make you better.

Yours sincerely,
Dárà Rhodes. X

Omawumi Megbele

I love Omawumi. I started wrong. Omawumi Megbele is a star. Simply known as Omawumi. A true star. The best part? She's Nigerian. Please DO NOT google her YET. If you don't know, I'm Nigerian and even if I wasn't, Omawumi would still be a star to me. It just so happens we both are. I have been studying this woman closely since summer last year and my conclusion is; Omawumi Megbele is grossly underrated. For those of you who have read my previous posts, you'll know I like to think of myself as 'deep' even though the closest I've been to deep is the demarcation line used to indicate the end of the shallow line in a swimming pool. You'll also know that I write about only things, people and topics I feel quite strongly about. Therefore, Omawumi must be one. Omawumi is definitely my favourite in the Nigerian entertainment industry and maybe its because she's the best. Or maybe, just maybe its because she's the realest star.

I want to tell this story but I have to tell it from the start. I believe there is a big difference between stars and celebrities and I definitely believe Omawumi is a star. You see, celebrities need the media industry and the media needs the stars. Stay with me. Celebrities are created by the media for the media, stars are created by art and talent for humanity. Clearer? Better. Now, the Nigerian entertainment industry is one I'm quite weary of, as a process of celebrification (the 'factory' the media uses to create the celebrities) hasn't been put it place yet. Hence, celebrities are easily mistaken as stars. Even by the media. Upsetting? Yes. Nonetheless, art and talent still wins. Weak and tired at the end? Absolutely. But it still wins. Omawumi is the perfect example of this my theory. She is art and talent and yet this woman has had to fight with everything she has to be heard. Now she's heard, she's grossly underrated. Fair? Of course not. But the people that DO know talent and art (as few as they seem) know her and appreciate her. Still don't google her. Please. Not yet.

While her vocals are unmatched, Omawumi definitely has the 'it' factor that screams "STAR". Some call it charisma, I prefer to simply call it, "it" Maybe, its the wow factor actually. Whatever it is, Omawumi has it. I have seen the "biggest Nigerian stars" perform. All of them. And on the grandest stages/platforms too. However the performance that struck me the most till this day was by Ms Omawumi at a wedding. Simple, beautiful and powerful. What about her interviews? Striking. She has this instant likeablility. I was drawn to her minutes after watching a random interview of her on T.V last year. I have never been drawn to any 'Nigerian star' that way. If the industry is the ocean, Omawumi is quite literally the only fish of her kind. Kinda like the "loneliest whale in the world" (you can google that one). Like the 52- Hertz whale, its impossible to capture her style and voice. Please don't google her yet.

Omawumi isn't just a Nigerian singer or an African singer. She is a world-class star that deserves to be acknowledged as one. She is a powerhouse that simply needs to experienced by the whole world. I have never spoken to her nor did she know about this post a second before I published it. Omawumi, I'm sure your fans have used every beautiful word to describe you and your music however if you ever read this, I just want you to know that; you are the best. Not because of what you did or what you did not do but simply because God gave you a voice that he didn't give anyone else. (Like the loneliest whale) You are indeed a star. This post wasn't written for any other motive other than to acknowledge a star. My beautiful people please go on youtube, listen to "what a bang bang"- Omawumi ft Tuface and "If you ask me- Omawumi. THEN and only THEN are you free to google her. :) Sue me if I lied about her.

With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes.

Murdoch

Hey beautiful people,
     Rupert Murdoch has filed for divorce from Wendi Deng. To some of you, this is probably old news and to others, you honestly couldn't care less. I mean, how does Rupert Murdoch's life affect anything? Especially his decision to divorce his wife.

First of all, introduction; I love Rupert Murdoch. His guts, strength and ambition inspire me on the daily. For those of you who don't know him and have still not googled him at this point, Murdoch is an Australian-American Media Mogul in one sentence. The most fearless media mogul ever if I dare say. A man of vision. For those that do know of him, before you fire me with all Murdoch's atrocious acts, hear me out. I hope I have somehow been able to show that nothing is quite straightforward on this blog so far and that whilst every good thing has its bad side, every bad thing also has its good side. And well, if I haven't, I'm telling you now.

Don't get it twisted, I'm very much aware of the fact that Murdoch has committed his fair share of sins however, at the very core of that man, is a man of obstinate drive. Afterall, not everybody can go from owning an inherited little australian newsagent into owning a billion dollar media empire right? Right.

My point? The man is 82 years old and was married to a 44 years old woman. He is a very calculated man and I am very sure he could have lived with Wendi for his last few years on this earth. So therefore, with the little sense in my head, this divorce seems to be coming from a very calculated place also. Who knows? Maybe he may have just wanted to die a divorcé. I still love you Rupert!! Have a wonderful day guys!!


With all my love,
Dárà Rhodes.

Words.

"Dara is the most useless person in this house. Useless girl. So so useless." Words uttered in the heat of the moment. Words that weren't true. Words that tore the Dara into a billion tiny pieces. Words that stuck in her heart. Words that could never be taken back.

I don't think we get it. Words can be swords used to kill and they can also be lifesavers. When we use our words as swords, they cut deeper than real life swords because most times the people that say the most heart slashing things to us, will never kill us with a real sword.

Words can heal, cure, build, restore, encourage and give hope.

Words can cut, slash, destroy, kill, weaken and break.

The choice is yours.

We really need to understand the weight our words carry. It may be a little innocent sentence from you but it'll be the sentence that finally tips the person you addressed it to over. You really don't know what that person beside you is going through so before you use your words to kill the person off just stop and think. Would I really kill this person with a real sword if I had one in my hand right now? Probably not? I thought so. Therefore, why use a sword you can't see but have with you to kill the poor soul?

Watching T.V after the Woolwich killing in London has been downright painful. Apart from the obvious horror of the whole story, the array of words being used by both the media and the public is quite worrying. Of course the immediate response on seeing or hearing such news will be to gather up the strongest most soul cutting words in the English dictionary to describe the suspects and their acts. Of course, you want the suspects to feel like the devil himself. I did too. However, there is compassion in the middle of all this (the woman who tried to nurse Lee Rigby back to life) and that seemed to have been almost completely lost or ignored. I definitely ignored that. It took a facebook status acknowledging and saluting the nurse to change my whole perspective on the story. Very few words in that status, but my down trodden spirit was suddenly revitalised. Initially I wasn't going to write anything about this story because I thought there was nothing good about it and frankly I don't think a story that has no good side should be re-told over and over again as it only weakens our faith in mankind even more. Nonetheless, I've also come to believe that EVERY story no matter how horrific, terrible and bad will have a tiny tiny tiny light somewhere in it that we've just got to search long and hard for. Maybe the word, "light" is too strong. A tiny tiny tiny glow.

Finally, it CAN be done. Our good words CAN outweigh our bad words. Will it take work? Yes. Will it take time? Probably. Will it be worth it at the end? Absolutely. This planet might actually be a lot nicer place if we all just spent a few moments to think about the words we say BEFORE we say them. To people and to ourselves. There are some people I know who never have anything negative to say. I'm sure they have said some soul piercing words in their lifetime, don't get me wrong. But, somehow, their encouraging, building and healing words always seem to outweigh their killing, destroying and cutting words. I don't know about you but a world with more people like that seems like this planet will be a tadd bit better. It all starts with your next sentence. No one is perfect, but no one is completely imperfect.

With all my love,
Dara Rhodes. X

Seasons.

Seasons change. No matter how good or bad.

With all my love,
Dara Rhodes. X

People.

  The year I hated people was the most miserable year in my life.

Now,

I believe that the greatest gift given to us are people.

I also believe that the highest form of wickedness dwells in people.

Human beings will cheer you on and then turn and say you cheated when you win.

Human beings will dance with you in the sun and hide from you in the rain.

Human beings will laugh with you when there's plenty and laugh at you when there's not enough.

Human beings will kiss you on your left cheek and stab you in your right side.

Human beings will love you when the music is good but hate you once it goes off.

Human beings will hate on one person for being them self and love another for being someone else.

BUT there's one thing we fail to realise. No matter how different and colourful we all are, at the core of every human being on earth are two very simple needs.

1) To be loved and love.
2) To be validated and validate.

You missing or not doing one has the power to make you feel as bad as not doing any or having any.

Of course people will hurt, slander and judge you. Of course people will delight in your misery. Of course "hating the entire world" will seem like a sensible conclusion. But before you get into that "I hate people" car, I just want you to take a moment to reflect on all the good people you've had in your life. If you honestly haven't had any, then you're probably too young to be getting in that car or your good people are on a couple of blocks away from you. Which, you'll miss if you get in that car. The same way when you're in a car, you see lots of people walking by but make little/no interaction with them is exactly the same way, you can't get love or be loved or validate or by validated from inside that car. You've gotta get down and mingle with people! The real problem with hating people is that you become extremely difficult to reach, hence the needs at the very core of your existence become even more difficult to meet than the average person which in turn makes you then hate people more. Vicious cycle.


In all honesty, I believe all our actions are in one way or another trying to meet these needs. So like I said at the beginning of this post, people are God's greatest gift to us. If you don't believe me, try not talking to anyone for a year. Goodluck!

Lol.

With all my love,
Dara Rhodes. X

Time.

 Heyy beautiful people!!

     "I don't have enough time!" "There's not enough hours in the day" "I need more time" are all quotes that I'm certain many of us are overly familiar with. Well, surprise, surprise, the tittle of today's post is Time. As I spent most of yesterday thinking about how this adjective controls our lives and silently rules the world without many of us even realising so, I thought it best to share some of the things I discovered with you.

1) Time is all we have.

2) Time is all we do not have.

Before you start thinking I'm a complete nutter, please hear me out. Okay. So apart from the fact that what I discovered is obviously an oxymoron, it is also very true. I like to think of time as the air we breathe. Its the only thing every single new born child comes with and its the only thing missing when we die. Its the only thing that is completely free and most often, it is the only thing that is completely taken for granted. It really is the first thing we are given so revel in it. Relax and let your hair down more often.

The second one I discovered is not as obvious and literal as the first one but many of us are far more aware of this one. This is also the one that living in London really taught me. The importance of having a sense of urgency cannot be stressed enough. The older I've gotten, the more I've realised how crucial timing is. In London, I planned my time so succinctly that me getting on the tube 5 seconds later could cost me the first 10 most important minutes of the lecture. I still got to the lecture. I still got the overall gist but had perhaps missed the most important sentence or couple of sentences in the whole lecture. While time is all we have, getting the timing right with everything we do in the time is more important. All you need to do is walk into a hospital ward that has people fighting to breathe or meet somebody that has been told they have 3 months left on earth to realise how precious time is.

In conclusion, relax and enjoy the time you have with your friends, children, husband and family, afterall, its all you've got with them! Nonetheless, never forget that there really is a time for everything and one of your main goals should be doing the right thing at the right time. Remember, time waits for no one, so if you are not in it at the right time, it just ticks on right past your very eyes!

Have a great day!

Yours sincerely,
Dara Rhodes x

Back!

 Hello beautiful people!!! 

              I'm back and very happy to be! Wow, to think that the last time I was on here was the 2nd of March is amazing. I remember thinking then, the 17th of May is sooo far away. Well, I guess time really does fly. Anyway, its good to be back and honestly, a lot has happened in my time away. Definitely gained a lot of inspiration and from the weirdest places too! Please stay with me and like I said in March, I'll do my very best to make sure I post something everyday for as long as I can think. :) So help me God. :) Now, these posts are my thoughts and you're free to disagree with them. As long as you get something to think about from each post, I'm good. Lol. Seriously though, there's a lot of love in this world and I think we just need to bask in it a little bit more. Especially now that a lot of us seems to be swimming in fear. 
          Finally, I used to be extremely dyslexic and even though I've come a very long way from that, I still tend to make some rather silly grammatical errors. Please bear with me and have a great day today you all!

Yours Sincerely,
Dara Rhodes X