Let us stop deceiving ourselves

There is only one thing that makes me angry. Like really really angry and it’s when people know the truth but pretend that because it’s ‘terrible’ it’s not the truth. I’ll explain.

Let me start with my country, Nigeria. This theory has made people think I’m pro- Jonathan and pro-government when in actual fact I am pro-nothing. Infact this simple line has brought me more insult than any other thing I’ve said. What is the line?

“I don’t think Jonathan is worse than any other president we have had and I don’t think his government is worse than previous governments,”

This doesn’t mean he is better but he is certainly not the worst or even close to the worst. In my books, President Goodluck just has a little bit of bad luck with the timing in which he became president. What’s the badluck? Well, the media is much more powerful now and even worse, it is much more accessible. If this was the case in any of the previous governments, they would have pretty much have had the same if not worse troubles than President Jonathan has. That I am sure of.

I don’t know if Nigerians know this and its fine if they don’t but what pisses me off is when they start screaming he is the worst president ever. In 2012, someone even told me that he was named the worst president in the world. Don’t get it wrong, I am no means his fan but I think that statement is very false. Infact, I’m secretly  convinced we all know he is not the problem but it’s easier for us to deceive ourselves and attack every president in power than face or look for the real problem.

If we are being very honest with ourselves, which Nigerian president has actually done something? Certainly none that have been in power since I was born. We all know the problem is not whichever president we have. I’m sure we do. The real problem are the godfathers, the real people who are in power and change the presidents every election year. Well, I’ll like to believe we know that but even if the average Nigerian doesn’t know that, they know that things have been the same for a pretty long time despite the different presidents we’ve had so they must have realised that something is wrong and it’s not from the president in power.

Dara, where are you going with this? Simple. Our problem is leadership not Goodluck Jonathan and the real solution to this problem is not to get rid of Jonathan and worry about who the next president will be.

The real solution to this problem are the youth. Now, I’m not even talking about people my age or slightly younger (The future corrupt ones have already set) Maybe youth is not the right word. The real solution to this problem are the children. Yes. I’m talking about the baby in your house or your neighbourhood. That child that turns 10 next week or the child that was born last year. They are the solution to Nigeria. If we can get them young and teach them everything that we want Jonathan to be, we will have a greater chance at saving this country than attacking every president that enters government.

So, let us stop deceiving ourselves that President Goodluck Jonathan is the problem and instead use the energy we want to expend fighting him to raise the future president and or government officials in our care today.

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes.

Drop some people

Today I decided something. I decided that some people are simply just bad for us. We can try to sugar coat them and try to see their good sides but the truth is that, in this world, some people will always have more of a negative impact on us than positive. They may have a positive influence on you but the negative outweighs it. 

If you are anything like me, you’ll probably still be holding out for them, searching for that one reason why you shouldn’t drop them just yet or why you should hold on to them for a little bit longer. Unfortunately, I’m not going to encourage you to hold on to them or find that good in them today.

As a Nigerian rapper (Modenine) once said, “let it go bruv” or rather, let them go. There are some people that make me feel so terrible after a single conversation. Some people make you feel like the worst person alive after a few moments with them. Why do you continue to stay around them? Why do we keep talking to them even after we promised ourselves never to speak to them again after the last conversation?

Its simple. You haven’t told your mind to drop them. Your heart tells you this person is not good for you but your head tells you, you still need something from them. Now let me tell you another truth. Nobody on this earth is indispensable. Absolutely no one.

I had a friend like that in London. I hated conversations with her but always yearned for the same conversations whenever I wasn’t talking to her. She was so negative and rarely saw the good in anything, the opposite of me but she was my friend so I kept her. When I came to Lagos last year, I physically couldn’t keep up with our conversations and I was so busy socialising with all my cousins that were home for summer, I barely spoke to her.

To cut a long story short, she came to Lagos for Christmas and despite my anticipation to see my beloved friend again, it wasn’t quite the same. Of course it wasn’t the same! My head finally got the message my heart had known for so long. I literally had to leave London for my head to catch the message but the moment my head got it, it was surprisingly very easy.

No matter how good you are or positive you are, there are some people you need to drop. You know it but the head refuses to get the message. You need to make your head get that message and quickly too! You must. For your sanity and for your stability.

As Will Smith nicely put it,

"Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions,"

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes. 

Don't lock the door.

I get home, say a quick hello to everyone, run into my room and lock my door. That was my routine every single evening. Then, at work yesterday, I was googling how to get rid of boredom. How ironic. 

Everyday different people in the house would come to my door and knock on it several times either to ask me to come down to eat or to talk to me but I never opened the door. I'd hear them banging on the door and calling out to me but I always pretended like I was asleep. "People have too much drama, I've had a long day at work, I'm tired and I just want to be alone" I used to tell myself. 

On Wednesday, I was too ill to go to work so my door was open throughout the day for everyone to come in and check up on me. My room saw more visitors than it had ever seen on that day, that I am sure of. However, the moment I felt slightly better and the clock hit 7 PM, my doors shut for the day and the knockings began.

I love princess Elsa in Frozen because she kinda reminded me of me only she's a fictional character and I am real. Yesterday evening, I decided to try an experiment. I came home, did the routine and then unlocked my door to see if anyone will knock or try to come in. Surprise surprise, absolutely no one did. I felt bad that no one came to check on me till I heard the cook asking the housekeeper to call me outside my room. Her reply hit me like a slap across my face.

"Ah, Dara is sleeping or her room will be locked. Don't worry about her, you can close. Dara is not coming out again today"

I wanted to go out and scream, that's a lie but I knew it was the truth. Sometimes, we really are our own worst enemies. I complained of being bored but wasn't really ready to let anyone in. Even now I still secretly wonder if I am. I know many of us are like that if we'll be honest with ourselves. Last night taught me a painful truth. You can't lock yourself in and expect to be a star the moment you unlock the door. The truth about this world is, it's never that deep (as my friends my age said once upon a time) when you lock yourself in, you secretly hope that everyone is waiting for you to unlock the door. At first, everyone may be waiting but after a while even the most faithful will stop knocking. 

My housekeeper, Miss Iyabo was the one I could vouch will come knocking. She knocks several times every evening but her reply to the cook showed that even she was tired of knocking. The worst part? my door is now going to have to be unlocked for twice as long as it was locked. It has been locked for so long, I am going to need to get used to it being unlocked first before I can even begin to entertain visitors.

Beloved beautiful people, don't make the same mistake as I have. Unlock that door as quickly as possible!

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes

The media industry

I was talking to my aunt this evening and somehow we ended up discussing the media industry.

To cut a long story short, she doesn't believe I should continue in the media industry as it is one full of deception, lies and zero integrity. For the first time in a long time, I honestly didn't know what to think. I knew it wasn't going to deter me but I didn't know what the conversation was trying to teach me. I mean I know she is right about the industry but I also know that there is absolutely nothing that is pure evil (Well, apart from the devil and even he was once an amazing angel). The media is extremely powerful, I am aware of that (I am a media student for crying out loud). Are people taking advantage of that? Definitely. People have and will always take advantage of power but that certainly doesn't mean that everyone will. So what was the message?

Then it hit me. I love this industry. With all its up and downs I absolutely love it. It feels good acknowledging it but it took a negative discussion to make me realise just how much I love it. Why did that conversation happen? It happened to teach me that, sometimes, in this life, we need the bad to see the good.

I always tell my sisters that even the most interesting job in this world can loose its spark if its something you do day in, day out. I really love what I do but just like every other 19 year old I know, sometimes I just get bored. Nonetheless, all it took was a discussion about all the negative sides about my industry to get me fired up again.

So you see, negative isn't always bad. Many times, negative is just what we need to see clearly.

Have a wonderful evening,

Dara Rhodes. 

Missing???!!! Bring back our girls!

Well, I guess the post I wrote and titled 'Missing' on the 25th of April is not valid now, right? People do care. I mean look at the 'Bring back the girls' protests, photos and media coverage over the last few days, right?

Wrong. Well, for me. 

Somewhere deep in my soul, I am still not satisfied. We should demand for the girls to be brought back but you and I know that we waking up nearly three weeks later and shouting 'Bring back our girls!' is NOT going to bring them back or make them appear. Yes the media attention to this story and the global response is amazing but I cant help but feel its all just a little too late. Even if all the protests are successful and result in the girls being found, I can't imagine the trauma and horror all those girls would have experienced. Many if not all those girls are scarred for life. 

I hate to be such a pessimist but maybe this is what working in the media does to one. Even the people protesting now, do they really care or is it just a hype to them? Something to discuss, a dinner table topic? For crying out loud, these are lives! Teenagers with their whole lives ahead of them!! I know that people are making genuine efforts but do we all really care or are we just going through the hashtag?

I'm disappointed with the government- there's nothing new about this one- but even more so, I am disappointed with everyone riding on this hashtag. Why didn't we start our protests the day the girls went missing? Did we just realise that they are human beings too? Did we just realise that they are people's daughters?

The video Boko Haram released claiming responsibility for the abduction proves my point. The terrorists know that they have already done enough damage to destroy the girls forever even if they are found today. Thus, our extensive media coverage of this now, is actually benefiting them. Yes, I said it. I mean look at how confident Abubakar Shekau was in that video! It is obviously helping propagate their mission to let the world know how 'very terrible' Nigeria is.

Maybe I'm wrong but maybe, just maybe there's truth in this post. My point? We need to act faster when things like this happen. Lets not wait till it becomes a media phenomenon. 

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes.