"I wake up everyday and I think, 'I'm breathing! It's a good day.'"- Eve Ensler
I woke up one day and realised something very scary. I had stopped breathing. I was alive (of course) but I wasn't breathing. My breath was constantly held waiting for the next minute or trip or (not so important) very important thing I had to do. When I got into the car, I didn't notice the streets or the people around me anymore, my breath was held and my eyes fixed on the road before me like I was the one driving. When I entered buildings, I didn't notice anything or anyone around me and just went straight up to the reason why I was there. When I lay in my bed at night, my breath was held as my mind planned all the trips I had to take and things I had to do. When I ate my dinner, I held my breath as my head churned and churned over my plans for my 21st birthday this year. (1st of August)
In all honesty, my 20th year was difficult. I lost people that were very real to me (for the first time in my life), I had to deal with constant changes like I had never had to before and whenever I thought I couldn't deal with another change, another change happened. (on the bright side, I dealt with them all! :D). Today as I think back on this past year, there's only one word that seems apt and that is, breathe. Breathe.
Many, many, many times, we forget to breathe. I think of Bobbi Kristina (may her precious soul rest in peace) and my heart breaks. Maybe because she was just a year older than me or maybe because I'm a lot more aware of death now but that could have been me. I could have been the one that died yesterday. It didn't have to be the way she died but I could have died. All her hopes, fears and dreams don't matter now. All our hopes, fears and dreams won't matter once we are gone so why do we spend so much of our time here holding our breaths? We really are only here for a short time even if you die at 100 years old, so please breathe. I know breathing may seem like a difficult concept for some us to grasp but believe it or not, your body is doing it every second of the day. You just need to remind your mind to do the same.
I woke up today and decided to cancel all my very OTT plans for my 21st this year and just have a very simple and nice dinner with my immediate family. I refuse to not breathe this next year of my life and my other plans would have ensured that. That's just the first battle, I'm sure next year is going to be ridden with so many other breathing battles but hey, as long as I breathe, I win. So, here's to the next year of my life and to all you beautiful beautiful people that read my little blog, breathe.
Photo: mycamera
Have a wonderful day beautiful people.
With all my love,
Dara Rhodes
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