Understanding

When I turned 20 years old, my aim for this year was to nurture and cherish all the relationships in my life. As such, I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. 

One word keeps coming to my mind. Understanding. What you understand, you can accept, what you accept, you can love. I love my two best friends from the bottom of my heart and I have just realized that I love the both of them because I understand them. I understand where they are coming from, so it's easier to be patient, kind and not envious. It's easier to be humble, polite and it's easier to refrain from anger. More so, it's easier to keep believing, keep hoping and it's easier to endure things. 

 My girl best friend was easier to understand but my boy best friend? Lord have mercy. The saying that men are from Mars and girls are from Venus couldn't have been more appropriate when I met him. 5 years on, after a gazillion fights, we can say we finally understand ourselves. Praise The Lord. 

I still think love is the most important thing in a relationship. But I believe that the foundation for love is understanding. Once the foundation has been laid, then and only then can love flourish. As usual, the world has it twisted again. Many of us seek to love first, and then try to understand. Little wonder relationships are so messed up these days. Love without understanding is too ambiguous. It means too many different things to different people. For example, people think love is when he hits you, some others think love is when he can't keep his hands off you and some think love is when you and your best friend talk for hours passing advice back and forth. 

Then again, I think love is a choice. So here's what I've concluded. If you choose to love someone, make sure you seek to understand that person first. 

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes. 

Seek to understand first. Photo: kyliemcgrr.com

Flinstones and the 2015 elections?? What??

The time for elections in Nigeria have come again. Recently, my father likened the Lagos politics to the famed Fred Flintstones and his Dinosaur, Dino. I remember being thoroughly confused but as usual, he cleared my confusion. My father explained that like Dino ran into the house and locked Fred out at the outro of the cartoon, the real people that care for and can affect the lives of the masses, have been locked out and the Dogs are chilling in the house, lording over the Freds.

I love my father. I love him because he has such a deep perspective on everything and a conversation with him challenges me every time. After pondering on what he told me for days and I literally mean, days, I came to my own conclusion. He is right. The real owners have been locked out of power and while I don't know how to play politics, I strongly believe 2015 elections is another opportunity for them to drag Dino out of the house.

If Fred (the people who really care about the masses) banged on the door long enough and the door opened for just a minute, that minute will be the elections. Thankfully, the door is about to open for a minute again. Let's be ready to fight the dogs and free Lagos for good. 

Fred leads Dino and not the other way round. Photo: unmistakenlycoolarchives.blogspot

Have a great day everyone!

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes

A little something from my heart

It better be worth it.

The tears, the pain, the suffering better be worth it.

The disappointments, the loneliness, the struggle better be worth it. 

The headaches, the backaches, the body aches better be worth it. 

The work, the tossing and turning at 2am, the silence better be worth it. 

Whatever 'it' is, had better be worth everything.

           Photo: Heatherclemons.com

Have a great day everyone! 

From my heart to yours,

Dara Rhodes

Quiet; The farthest thing from weak

Hello everyone,

On the 1st of August 2014, I turned 20. On the 1st of August 2014, I completed my one year internship at CNBC Africa. At the send forth and birthday party at my office, everyone gathered to say a few things to me. The two people I liked the least said the same thing and interestingly, the people that knew me the best, disagreed with them. What did they say? Dara is too quiet and needs to be tougher. Basically.

I remember giggling silently to myself that day. If only they knew the truth. I went quiet around them because I know myself. If I was to say the things I wanted to say about whatever they were discussing (which annoyed me most of the time) there'd have been fights and arguments. Thus, considering they are both significantly older than me and I was just "little Dara" I ignored them and played the part of the  naive girl whenever I had to speak to them. Another thing that struck me was how they had associated my quietness with being weak.

Photo: Intersticia.com

Quiet does not mean weak. I don't know when we are going to realise this. Infact, it means the exact opposite. The quiet person has more time to analyse things and in this world where everyone is talking and no one is listening, that person holds significant power. A classic example is my Maya. Maya Angelou went mute for a couple of years as a child. She probably looked weak and dumb but her mind was very alert and look at what she went on to do.

The people that know me, know that I am far from quiet so for the more outspoken ones, I think we could learn something from quiet people. Sometimes, you really just need to be quiet. You'd be amazed at how much you'll see, notice and learn. For the quiet ones, don't worry, being quiet doesn't mean you are weak. In fact, you'd be surprised at how much power you hold.

Have a great day everyone!

With all my love,
Dara Rhodes

Opportunities

Hello everyone, 

I'm sorry I have been absent for so long, there has been tons going on at the same time. I turned 20 on Friday and it was an amazing day! 

Today, I just want to talk about the word, opportunities because my 19th year was filled with them. We all get opportunities. Infact, I believe that opportunities, time and air are the only things that every single person on earth gets. Yes, even the most downtrodden of us get all those three things but we only seem to be aware of air ignoring the other important two. What is the problem? Surely, if every person on earth has those three things life isn't meant to be so difficult, right? Why don't people maximise the opportunities given to them? 

Here's why. Opportunities often come dressed in overalls called hard work. Oil is buried deep onshore and offshore. Diamonds, gold, minerals are all buried deep. You've got to dig it out. A lot of us think opportunities are dressed fancy and so many times we walk past the one in overalls looking for the ones in summer dresses. Time is also critical because there are seasons of opportunities and when we miss them, we may have to wait a while. 

Finally, don't be discouraged if it seems like you never get any big opportunities. You do and you probably have but you just didn't dig it out well enough. Promise me that the next time you see the ones dressed in dirty overalls, you won't walk on by. 

Have a great day everyone!

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes

Give what you get and teach.

26 June 2014 18:44

I haven't written on here in a while because I've been mourning Maya Angelou. Well, kinda. I know she died a while back now but that woman was phenomenonal and so I wasn't going to write anything till I had written the perfect tribute. 

True to form, about a million words and a thousand poems later, I realised something. The fact that she was one of my inspirations is tribute enough. She taught me to give and teach and as my one year work experience is slowly coming to an end, I'm beginning to see just how invaluable those lessons are.

At first or in May, I became apprehensive about leaving CNBC. I know I have to leave but it had become a huge part of my life  and the feeling that I wasn't going to be needed anymore the moment I left was quite frankly, heart breaking. Worst part? They had already brought in a new intern and asked me to teach her all I do. I'm not even going to lie, that was heart wrenching. After giving my absolute best everyday this year, I felt used and tired till I remembered Maya Angelou. 

Give what you get and teach. Two simple principles, Maya Angelou taught me. 

Thank you Maya for your words and rest in peace.

 “When you learn, teach, when you get, give.” 

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes.

Let us stop deceiving ourselves

There is only one thing that makes me angry. Like really really angry and it’s when people know the truth but pretend that because it’s ‘terrible’ it’s not the truth. I’ll explain.

Let me start with my country, Nigeria. This theory has made people think I’m pro- Jonathan and pro-government when in actual fact I am pro-nothing. Infact this simple line has brought me more insult than any other thing I’ve said. What is the line?

“I don’t think Jonathan is worse than any other president we have had and I don’t think his government is worse than previous governments,”

This doesn’t mean he is better but he is certainly not the worst or even close to the worst. In my books, President Goodluck just has a little bit of bad luck with the timing in which he became president. What’s the badluck? Well, the media is much more powerful now and even worse, it is much more accessible. If this was the case in any of the previous governments, they would have pretty much have had the same if not worse troubles than President Jonathan has. That I am sure of.

I don’t know if Nigerians know this and its fine if they don’t but what pisses me off is when they start screaming he is the worst president ever. In 2012, someone even told me that he was named the worst president in the world. Don’t get it wrong, I am no means his fan but I think that statement is very false. Infact, I’m secretly  convinced we all know he is not the problem but it’s easier for us to deceive ourselves and attack every president in power than face or look for the real problem.

If we are being very honest with ourselves, which Nigerian president has actually done something? Certainly none that have been in power since I was born. We all know the problem is not whichever president we have. I’m sure we do. The real problem are the godfathers, the real people who are in power and change the presidents every election year. Well, I’ll like to believe we know that but even if the average Nigerian doesn’t know that, they know that things have been the same for a pretty long time despite the different presidents we’ve had so they must have realised that something is wrong and it’s not from the president in power.

Dara, where are you going with this? Simple. Our problem is leadership not Goodluck Jonathan and the real solution to this problem is not to get rid of Jonathan and worry about who the next president will be.

The real solution to this problem are the youth. Now, I’m not even talking about people my age or slightly younger (The future corrupt ones have already set) Maybe youth is not the right word. The real solution to this problem are the children. Yes. I’m talking about the baby in your house or your neighbourhood. That child that turns 10 next week or the child that was born last year. They are the solution to Nigeria. If we can get them young and teach them everything that we want Jonathan to be, we will have a greater chance at saving this country than attacking every president that enters government.

So, let us stop deceiving ourselves that President Goodluck Jonathan is the problem and instead use the energy we want to expend fighting him to raise the future president and or government officials in our care today.

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes.

Drop some people

Today I decided something. I decided that some people are simply just bad for us. We can try to sugar coat them and try to see their good sides but the truth is that, in this world, some people will always have more of a negative impact on us than positive. They may have a positive influence on you but the negative outweighs it. 

If you are anything like me, you’ll probably still be holding out for them, searching for that one reason why you shouldn’t drop them just yet or why you should hold on to them for a little bit longer. Unfortunately, I’m not going to encourage you to hold on to them or find that good in them today.

As a Nigerian rapper (Modenine) once said, “let it go bruv” or rather, let them go. There are some people that make me feel so terrible after a single conversation. Some people make you feel like the worst person alive after a few moments with them. Why do you continue to stay around them? Why do we keep talking to them even after we promised ourselves never to speak to them again after the last conversation?

Its simple. You haven’t told your mind to drop them. Your heart tells you this person is not good for you but your head tells you, you still need something from them. Now let me tell you another truth. Nobody on this earth is indispensable. Absolutely no one.

I had a friend like that in London. I hated conversations with her but always yearned for the same conversations whenever I wasn’t talking to her. She was so negative and rarely saw the good in anything, the opposite of me but she was my friend so I kept her. When I came to Lagos last year, I physically couldn’t keep up with our conversations and I was so busy socialising with all my cousins that were home for summer, I barely spoke to her.

To cut a long story short, she came to Lagos for Christmas and despite my anticipation to see my beloved friend again, it wasn’t quite the same. Of course it wasn’t the same! My head finally got the message my heart had known for so long. I literally had to leave London for my head to catch the message but the moment my head got it, it was surprisingly very easy.

No matter how good you are or positive you are, there are some people you need to drop. You know it but the head refuses to get the message. You need to make your head get that message and quickly too! You must. For your sanity and for your stability.

As Will Smith nicely put it,

"Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions,"

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes. 

Don't lock the door.

I get home, say a quick hello to everyone, run into my room and lock my door. That was my routine every single evening. Then, at work yesterday, I was googling how to get rid of boredom. How ironic. 

Everyday different people in the house would come to my door and knock on it several times either to ask me to come down to eat or to talk to me but I never opened the door. I'd hear them banging on the door and calling out to me but I always pretended like I was asleep. "People have too much drama, I've had a long day at work, I'm tired and I just want to be alone" I used to tell myself. 

On Wednesday, I was too ill to go to work so my door was open throughout the day for everyone to come in and check up on me. My room saw more visitors than it had ever seen on that day, that I am sure of. However, the moment I felt slightly better and the clock hit 7 PM, my doors shut for the day and the knockings began.

I love princess Elsa in Frozen because she kinda reminded me of me only she's a fictional character and I am real. Yesterday evening, I decided to try an experiment. I came home, did the routine and then unlocked my door to see if anyone will knock or try to come in. Surprise surprise, absolutely no one did. I felt bad that no one came to check on me till I heard the cook asking the housekeeper to call me outside my room. Her reply hit me like a slap across my face.

"Ah, Dara is sleeping or her room will be locked. Don't worry about her, you can close. Dara is not coming out again today"

I wanted to go out and scream, that's a lie but I knew it was the truth. Sometimes, we really are our own worst enemies. I complained of being bored but wasn't really ready to let anyone in. Even now I still secretly wonder if I am. I know many of us are like that if we'll be honest with ourselves. Last night taught me a painful truth. You can't lock yourself in and expect to be a star the moment you unlock the door. The truth about this world is, it's never that deep (as my friends my age said once upon a time) when you lock yourself in, you secretly hope that everyone is waiting for you to unlock the door. At first, everyone may be waiting but after a while even the most faithful will stop knocking. 

My housekeeper, Miss Iyabo was the one I could vouch will come knocking. She knocks several times every evening but her reply to the cook showed that even she was tired of knocking. The worst part? my door is now going to have to be unlocked for twice as long as it was locked. It has been locked for so long, I am going to need to get used to it being unlocked first before I can even begin to entertain visitors.

Beloved beautiful people, don't make the same mistake as I have. Unlock that door as quickly as possible!

With all my love,

Dara Rhodes

The media industry

I was talking to my aunt this evening and somehow we ended up discussing the media industry.

To cut a long story short, she doesn't believe I should continue in the media industry as it is one full of deception, lies and zero integrity. For the first time in a long time, I honestly didn't know what to think. I knew it wasn't going to deter me but I didn't know what the conversation was trying to teach me. I mean I know she is right about the industry but I also know that there is absolutely nothing that is pure evil (Well, apart from the devil and even he was once an amazing angel). The media is extremely powerful, I am aware of that (I am a media student for crying out loud). Are people taking advantage of that? Definitely. People have and will always take advantage of power but that certainly doesn't mean that everyone will. So what was the message?

Then it hit me. I love this industry. With all its up and downs I absolutely love it. It feels good acknowledging it but it took a negative discussion to make me realise just how much I love it. Why did that conversation happen? It happened to teach me that, sometimes, in this life, we need the bad to see the good.

I always tell my sisters that even the most interesting job in this world can loose its spark if its something you do day in, day out. I really love what I do but just like every other 19 year old I know, sometimes I just get bored. Nonetheless, all it took was a discussion about all the negative sides about my industry to get me fired up again.

So you see, negative isn't always bad. Many times, negative is just what we need to see clearly.

Have a wonderful evening,

Dara Rhodes.